More angst.

Whenever something good happens, when there is some good, I will write about it, I don't just moan my head off, it's just I write as I find.

Something good did happen today to my friend and I am very happy for her- I will say no more so if you ask I'll ignore your question! Nevertheless the burden I feel/have is weighing me down so much that that this good thing is not breaking through that, and I don't feel lighter. I should be excited on a lesser scale about seeing The Blind Side tomorrow but for some reason it's not getting through to me the same way Precious did. I know it will be a good movie and I know I'll be moved and I'll blog about it, but of course movies don't change your life, they inspire you to change your life. And what happens if this doesn't inspire me, I don't mean that in a give up way but what if I've reached a point? What point I don't know. But I know something is wrong, deeply wrong. I've read people going through hard stages and it's kind of this slow melt down, this distance and this intensity both together, you're in quick sand. I've also read this goes away.

People say talk. Talk to someone about this. Have you ever done that and they can't be bothered or they can not help? Or someone does listen and offer advice but the problem itself is so big and out of your control. My head has just gone numb. We lose an hour tonight so I better get to sleep, sometimes I pretend I'm in this certain place when I sleep, today I can't pretend. Looking forward to the future or small things in the future..it's a concept, you know. It's something you say to someone but for that someone they're in so deep, that concept takes on superficial meaning.