Sue Sylvester. The only real entertainment news.

There's a lot of crap including that about Beyonce wondering why God gave her her talent and booty (no but I bet she does ask that sometimes), people becoming the authority on what a real woman is- it's not a super model they're stick insects down with you if you find them attractive you conformist you and how tatoos are vulgar and one shouldn't want to express themselves or have fun with their lives for fear of conforming or just looking ridiculous, honestly I think you haven't lived life you haven't done something ridiculous.

Amidst this nonsense, appears this picture and once again I have faith in entertainment and all things awesome.

I read that one Carol Burnett is going to play Sue's mum. I haven't a clue who Carol Burnett is but I'm excited about this!

Above all, Finn's mum and Kurt's dad are getting married, as a fan of Kurt's dad and all things Kurt and Finn, their little arguments, the heat Kurt has in his eyes when even glancing at Finn, Finn happy with Rachel aka Butterbear (ever watch the Wuzzles? Ever watch Glee? You should)the fact that New Directions are going to be doing a song at this wedding I am going to be watching this wedding with a sweet, sweet taste in my mouth. A union between two people and a union between Sue Sylvester..and Sue Sylvester. I love Sue.

Looking forward to Glee in the New Year, looking forward to the New Year in general.

Every day.

I have done days where I don't shower till late afternoon and just do chores around the house and stay in my pajamas reading ebooks and all that. I found that it's not good for me to do that. I need to have something to do everyday. Boredom is horrible. Sometimes I don't feel like reading an ebook and I need to go outside just for a walk. Whilst I don't particularly enjoy walking where people are smoking and crossing roads and being around cars, I don't have a big park nearby so it's the only option for me.

Well, tomorrow I could easily spend it indoors but I intend to get ready like I would be if I had to go outside, wear clothes and put my make up on. The thing that I got bored with was my make up. I don't wear much, just the base, blush, eye, lipstick and then make sure my hair is dry. I'm a basics kind of girl. I'd like to have the dramatic look sometime but I need a professional to show me how to do it. Online tutorials are no good.

I started to look through my makeup thinking, here I am putting on foundation and blusher, I need some blush as I just look dead without it and I like to be able to look presentable..I started wondering that even though I have a skin care regimen which I follow every day, do I really need this foundation? My mum has some tinted moisturiser which I used to use in my early twenties. I wear only a very thin layer of foundation but I like my skin to feel and be bare and free. So I put a few spots on tinted moisturiser along with regular moisturiser, no blusher just the heat from the shower barely registering on my face, I put on some lipstick and went out.

I didn't look glamourous but I felt free. Maybe I just need a change and maybe I'll go back to my makeup but I've always had this need for simplicity. So my skin is a little pale, that's my natural tone.

Last time I did this, I ended up getting impetigo from something that I picked, true story! And then when it was over, I just wanted to look pretty again so I went back to my make up. But, I ditched all my make up the week before my impetigo when I should have kept say a lipstick and tinted moisturiser. Just a little pick me up and not to be too drastic. I do still like to look pretty afterall.

I also started to look at my hair in a way that was about the health first and foremost. I didn't use my round brush today and just used my normal brush and a cool, far away blow dry, not brushing my hair too much. I did use the root booster for two seconds though and found that I can use it without frizz!

I like showering every day, I love the freshness, I feel so clean! And then the moisturising and smell that I get afterwards is gorgeous, it's a treat for me every day so if I gave that up, I would crave it but in the same way I need to wash my hair every day and the stripping of natural oils thing is not appealing even if I'm conditioning my hair everyday. I've ordered a olive oil hair treament which will be an added bonus every week.

It's not easy to keep things as natural as possible when you're surrounded by trends and fashion. If you don't look like you have made an effort to other people, then it would seem you haven't but I'm just tired of excess, fakery and I don't need it everyday. I like colours but I don't use my face so creatively, I like to use my imgination for other things and keep things simple. It comes down to having the confidence to express yourself in the way you want.

Kelly Osbourne on Piers Morgan. Weight, esteem and isolation.

There is so much I can relate to just watching ten minutes of her being interviewed by that goon Morgan (goon? I have my reasons). I'm not a fan of hers but she reminds me a little of myself in this interview. No one else will see it but I mean things like the way she speaks, it's how I think of myself in my head.

Initially the topic is of course weight. Weight. Weight. Weight. Weight. Weight. As we all know it's much more important a topic than world hunger. She's lost weight yes. She lost weight by going on a show dancing. I'm not overweight now but I used to be. At my heaviest I was ten kg more than I am now and I used to get tut tuts from my Doctor, understandably, and I'm also 5ft 2 like Kelly, short and more soft than lithe and leggy so the weight made me look heavy. I did look heavy in photos. Fat. Plump. I got bullied very badly for it. I have a round face with cheeks that won't go away and a round jaw line and only when I lost the ten kilograms through "dancing" myself, I lost some chub from my face. I used to get comments like it only makes her eyes look even smaller, as I'm Indian I'm supposed to have these big Indian eyes but I don't even now as I have my dad's eyes exactly. And "when are you ever going to look like a woman?" That kind of stuff coming from women. Men only used to ignore or make rude noises when they weren't perving over my breasts and arse.

Like Kelly, I used to live in my own little world when it came to weight. I saw all the young models and celebrities, I used to think they were them and I was me, I am beautiful and so are they, but they're thin and I'm only a bit bigger than them. I never even used to think I was that big. I once said to a shop assistant oh I'm only two sizes bigger than my sister to which she looked me up and down. But I never belived anything different. For some reason I was disillusioned. Maybe that came from being me, a little in a dream world, immature and proud like my dad. That gets confused with egotistical ESPECIALLY on a woman! In fact it's not, they're different issues.

I hated myself like her because of being bullied.

Kelly also touches upon not looking at herself in the mirror. I used to look at my face, I liked it and my hair which has always been very black and thick and complimented my complexion. And when I looked at my body I looked at either by looking at my breasts and arse in the mirror that made my body look in my opinion alright and my legs have always been short and toned. I thought my arms are just big and shoulders are wide, like my dad and my stomach has always been soft anyway. I had a small waist back then but of course it was difficult to have my mum buy me something that tapered in and then had to go over my big breasts and arms at the same time. Occasionally we had a tough time shopping for me and I was never interested in fashion. I'm still living in my own dream world when it comes to that, i.e. no interest in looking like a celebrity whatsoever unlike other people my age.

Kelly said that she never wanted to be like the other girls despite hating herself. Absolutely the same for me. Yet if she or I said anything about another girl, it would be called jealousy. No one understood where I was coming from, and I wasn't that vocal in my opinions only on occasion where I mostly tend to give an honest answer.

When I lost weight, I could see that I lost weight. I noticed it in my arms. And I was proud. I think I got some esteem through achievement. I think this is how it worked for Kelly. You see your body in a new way and you really see your body. You're not going, okay I'm covering up now. I looked at it and thought okay improvement here and here.

It took me two months to lose weight by belly dancing in a very short space in my apartment and doing some mini stepping which never helped me lose weight before. When I started, I just wanted something to do and for me it was to get some excersise pure and simple without having to just walk outside for two hours.

I like the taste of food but I managed to condition myself to think of it as just food. Nothing more. But food is something that I can't understand still. Like Kelly said, just never equated it with losing weight at all. And I kind of believe in that still. Back then, sometimes when I came back from a long walk I would have just a sandwich and some salad for the rest of the day, for months. And months later, sometimes I would have chips and pizza for one meal about twice a week. I ate when I felt hungry and when I was overweight I went to bed hungry. I know that my metabolism has improved but I wonder to what extent, is it that that is keeping my weight the same like it was the same in the past except my weight is smaller now as opposed to bigger in the past or is it that for me at this weight it's harder to put on weight?

So eat more than you burn? No, for me it's more complicated.

Kelly's appearance is still mocked and also it's airkissed so much. Oh DAHLING you look FABULOUS. Some people when they see me compliment me like I've achieved a cure for cancer, I just yeah thanks it just happened like Kelly said. Inside, I think I did this for me. I did this for my heart. I did this for my fitness. I did this also a little for my sexuality to see myself in my best light. And part of me thinks when someone says she (as in me) looks beautiful now, fuck you world. Like Kelly.

I used to be a big girl and now I'm a small one. When I was 8 they used to say I'd be big and tall but now I'm short and petite. With Kelly, they say she's going to go back to being fat again. Because it's just the way she is supposed to be and I FUCKING HATE THAT. I hate that people can be so judgemental. If she is or isn't, how do YOU know?! And then there's the fact she's "exactly like her mum." Yeah I was exactly like my mum or exactly like my dad when it suited certain people.

Then there's her tattoos. "Oh get rid!" I believe her when she says she wants to get rid of some of them or most, can't recall, but it's amazing how they are referred to as "blemishes" by people. We must all look a certain way especially us women! *SALUTE!*

Don't like this time of year.

Yes, big breath, I can say it, Christmas. Well nearing Christmas. I just want it to BE Christmas and then New Year and then it's over with.

Something has happened this time of year in the past but to be honest that's an addition to the ominous feel I get when it's dark at 4pm.

I like the change of seasons, from Summer to Autumn but when it comes to November,the atmosphere is shop, shop, shop, CHRISTMAS, CHRISTMAS, CHRISTMAS.

Then there's the music. I always feel like I'm in one of those shitty made for tv movies whenever I'm in a mall or store this time of year.

There is something magical about seeing snow and having pretty lights up and I fully believe in presents, cards and enjoying festivity, I know it can get a bit much and gaudy but it's nice.

I wish I was abroad. Not in America but somewhere East. I know specifically which place. India. Goa. It's got this massive beach and the weather is sultry so the nights take on a special feel. I like the cold too, I like having red cheeks, in my dreams, from the cold. I wish I was in Goa though this time of year.

I do appreciate the very good things happening to me and that makes this time of year less ominous feeling, with that music to make you feel as though you did something wrong, even before I got chance to do that when I was 5, I still didn't like the music!

p.s. Just spotted a new follower of this blog. Hello!!

Ugh Oprah.

I've always had some respect for Oprah Winfrey purely because of her achievements. There are times when I feel she's not someone I like so much as a person with her massive insecurity when it comes to her appearance. I've had shit when it comes to mine in the past, people telling me I shouldn't be alive is pretty harsh I think you'd agree but I never said the things about myself that Oprah has said about her weight. I would never be disgusted with myself for putting on weight. I don't want to put on weight because I don't want to be overweight and for me that would damage my heart but I know I am human and not some Goddess. Perhaps if I were in Oprah's shoes though I really would not want to be despite her achievements, she's a philanthropist and I'm not for the fact that I have big problems with this society, people and this world to be blunt, then I would consider myself as above human.

Anyway, so I read from another authors blog and from a crappy newspaper, Oprah's Favourite Things. I know the newspaper particularly chose the most animated faces along with cleverly listing the items that Oprah is giving away free; showing greed. Look how greedy these Americans are! etc etc..

I know that she's giving away to people who have done a lot for their community, having said that the problem I myself have with this Favourite Things episode is that it's a lot of labels. The items are like this whatever whatever "tote" - aren't they just called bags? Look, I've never had a fondness for pretty things. I can walk past a gorgeous dress sighing and not even caring to know how much it costs. It doesn't have to be mine. With my first pay cheque, I went to the petrol station to fill up, you know? And it was next to a massive mall with shops which I walked through just to get my groceries!.

So then there's this house Oprah wants for herself. Just how many rooms does she need? I get it if it's a family house or if she's got maids and helpers living with her but seriously nineteen bathrooms? A well manicured garden? Venetian plastering? (or whatever). I just don't understand that. To me it's excess ..and alright you work hard, you should live your life the way you want but the excess is nauseating. And that's what I feel when I see the faces lighting up over Louis Vuitton, I'm not referencing just Oprah here maybe she didn't give away any LV, but same with Sex and The City, whilst I like their stories and friendships, I just feel sick when I see them coo and they do coo over a handbag or shoes. I don't get shoes either! I understand heels but not all these different designs of shoes. I have to say I laughed so much when my mum took me to an Ugg (Ugh!) shop to try on uggs that would match my coat. I told her blatantly afterwards, NO MUM. They're almost 200 pounds! They're shoes! Stuff to walk around in! They're not graceful stilletos fit for a fairytale if I was to be particularly girly, it's just nonsense. I don't work on a farm or own sheep so I won't wear Uggs. And how are they comfortable? They're warm but people just clump around in them, that can't be good for posture or feet!

I don't get labels and this excess. I'm no kill joy though, I love it when people are happy above all things and content with themselves in their own way, it means they leave me alone for starters and they can do what they want, it's just yet another thing that makes me nauseous and isolated from them. (Meant in less of a victim sounding way).

HAHA.

I have to say this photo made me cackle. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1331450/The-Only-Way-Is-Essex-stars-Edwardian-ladies-Downton-Abbey-photoshoot.html

These ladies are from a show called The Only Way is Essex. They are NOTORIOUS for their fake tans and botox. Those in England will have heard of the term "chav," well this programme is chav tastic. It's tacky.

I know they're humans and the show shows that side of course but "Edwardian ladies" had a peaches and skin complexion, not perfect as they may have strived for but certainly not harsh and bloated thanks to the damage these Essex ladies have done to themselves.

I keep saying to anyone who's had a hard time in this fake tan obessed society, you'll look better when you're older, just you wait. I guess I'm right! Sure we won't go around with the ridiculous Edwardian hairstyles but at least we'll look okay coming out of the shower first thing, not with a weirdly plumped up face and eyebrows which have to be drawn on or look like they do.

And I can't believe how ridiculous Jennifer Aniston looks nowadays, obsessed with botox much?

And then on the other hand you have people criticising Jane Fonda, Sigourney Weaver and Susan Sarandon for wearing make up and being airbrushed on a magazine..because they're DA DA DAH! Old. Oh no! "But they're celebrating age and yet they're covering themselves in airbrushing and make up!" Say the douches who just don't get it. They're simply being on a cover of a magazine the treatment any other star gets which is airbrush and make up and they looked damned happy and charismatic! I like the photo of Jane's face!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1331402/Susan-Sarandon-Sigourney-Weaver-Jane-Fonda-strip-steamy-magazine-shoot.html

What I find weird in a I could never have predicted this way, was I got mocked for having a plump face and small tightest features, and that's what people are injecting themselves in Hollyweird to look like now. Man, I wish I knew of this before- I could have had a comeback!

Remember that post about something that actually worked?

http://wickedwitchofwest.blogspot.com/2010/11/something-that-actually-works.html

I found the root booster frizzed my hair and made it more coarse, it's not reliable enough for day to day usage especially. It won't do anything to my top layers and so I have flat hair which then becomes rounder as you go down, not what I want for my face or hair, especially when it's not feeling so smooth after two rounds of serum...this root booster is clearly not for every day use and I think I'm just going to stick with my cool blow dry and hot (nonsensical little post, this) fringe straightening tomorrow.

I may hang onto the root booster- but I have to be tempted not to try it just one more time or I'll get a frazzled, round haired look again. I'd rather have my hair flat, at least it's better to touch!

A good friend of mine was talking about strength.

I can relate to her post in the sense I used to think it's unfair, just how strong do I have to be, what have I done to deserve this? It IS unfair, some things in fact are just total bollocks and I haven't done ANYTHING to deserve this..but I HAVE to be VERY strong.

I don't know what the purpose of life is. If it's some test to let you into Heaven, I believe in God and heaven and hell to an extent but regardless of my beliefs, I know that I just have to be strong. Pure and simple, I just have to. Otherwise, I will fall and I will hurt myself. The harshness that comes from people won't hurt them as much as it will hurt me.

No matter how unfair it is, no matter that it's more serious than fun, I like myself enough to know I'm worth the fight. I don't like fighting, I don't like the idea of enemies, but the ideal situation of getting along and not pissing off strangers is not happening and hasn't been since I was at school.

I've realised my worth doesn't get taken away from someone's laughter or mockery of me, because I don't give myself away to them. I used to think that meant isolation but now I can go out and go on about my buisness and still make fun for myself. I am completely independant and getting stronger because this is how I will survive. I also have given myself to someone and I know that I can do that, know how to love.

I intend to survive for a very long time, the only thing that will bring me down is something that I can not control. As for controlling others, you can't. A woman who was trying to survive bullying was told that other people's opinions are theirs, you can't take that from them. To me, it's all about how you process it and the way I process it is they clearly have a lot of growing up and evolving to do. They're far from intimidating when you think about it, I already knew they were stupid even the ones who have some sort of education.

Something that actually works.

I don't think I ever do this but I found a product that actually works for me. Totally superficial, girly post. It's the Babyliss Root Booster. It's a heat iron that has different temperatures. When I saw the advert, I liked the root boosting part (that's exactly what my hair needs) but not the crimp effect of the iron. Its the crimp however that makes your hair look fuller and if you section it, I just use bobby pins as my hair is short then you can have the crimp underneath your hair, brush overit and have the top layer of your hair look fine. Difference is your hair actually has something to it.

I'm not a hair dye kind of girl, I put a clip in my hair only when I get it done at the hairdressers otherwise I look like a little round faced kid otherwise, I don't backcomb or do anything to it, I just want healthy hair. I don't like mousse or spray because I want to run my fingers through my hair. I like it smelling fresh and because it can get coarse but it's still straight, I hesistantly put a little serum, because I don't want it to end up looking matted to my face which trust me, it does especially short hair with layers that I'm growing out, just looks like a very flat bob on straight from the shower and after a smooth brush.

So this root booster is good for girls like me. I like to have my hair dry as naturally as possible. I wash it every day, it's not damaged my hair so far, but with the root booster I can get away with the odd day of not washing it or trying what I used to do when my hair was fuller due not having it thinned out, washing it the night before.

I spent only one minute with this product today when I bought it, my hair was dry and I hope to avoid drying my hair with a round brush for five minutes, arms tired and my hair going flat again after minutes. Today, I also used my straightners which I normally use just for my fringe to get it out my face but straightners made my hair look flat..even then the root booster worked well on my even flatter than usual hair.

It lasted and I didn't have to fluff my hair up.

I do however intend to keep my hair better conditioned due to the fact I'm putting heat directly on my hair as opposed to a distance as with the hair dryer (which I will still use for some movement to my hair for a minute and the same if I need to go out the house quickly). And I won't be using hair straightners even for my fringe anymore. I use a heat defence light spritz but come on over 100 degrees on your hair, which is the minimum for these heated things, nothing can combat that unless it's heavy duty and going to make your hair turn into straw. I condition my hair every day when I wash it and like I say put some light serum on.

It's the first time that I myself have done something to my hair and had it not only work but last and I can even rely on it for extra effect on a night out which for me will mean my hair will look someone's when they've not even blow dryed it, just brushed it!

I am growing my hair out, not even look at a hairdressers until I need to (my limit is when I resemble Worzel Gummage) and so a root booster is going to be helpful with my layers becoming longer and more blended in and a little limp. It will be interesting to see if how consistent it is as hair behaves differently each day.

I look forward to seeing my hair grow. It represents something to me. Even when my hair is long, I want it long, then I will have it looking as natural as possible, I don't like the processed looks, it may be exciting to some people but I'm more about the natural side and that's also partly why I am growing my hair out. I just need a little boost!

Emails.

I'm sure you've sent an email to someone and thought, okay I just read that and I can see how it comes across. Your message, how you thought it came across changes when they respond and when you read that mail again.

It's an oops, duh and okay I need to pull my socks up moment.

I've realised I need to type slower and take some breaths in emails not due to the fact my corset is so tight whilst writing it but to take a more matter of fact approach, to the point, I've only just processed my thoughts and that's the problem.

I hate that words can make you look stupid, if they do or don't to the other person, the receiver of that mail, it's an embarassment to me. I don't take that much of a different approach for buisness emails, I have to wonder how they come across. I suppose it's trying to broaden your mind, I get out everyday but it feels I'm in my own little world.

When I blog, I feel a little like that but I need to blog. I need to let it out. And my writing has become better for it. I'm sure my emails before blogging were quite horrendous, I'm a little messy, haphazard and not to the point. Sometimes I can be in conversation though. In fact more so in conversation. Something not right here...

I also find that something can make my mind clear, as if I'm incapable of not being convoluted there. I have so many thoughts, I don't have direction. When I get pointed, then it's like the day dreaming nonsense I had as a child goes away. Day dreaming used to interfere with things. I have every intention of stopping that, I have done well so far but my imagination will run at times not to extremes but to drama. I believe people can change.

I have something that you don't.

I was talking to someone today about this, I'll keep them anon and I said sometimes I just want to go on my blog and RANT. Because you just can't say to people, and I have tried it, what is your problem?! I always get something to prompt me to say that to someone and when I say something or stare back, their staring goes on. I feel like there's something wrong with me and I'm sure there is; eg when I went out my eyes got red because it's cold and windy. I don't like it either but it's not uncommon and they would stare anyway even if that didn't happen. They weren't red like some blood stone! But I won't be losing sleep over the slightly red eyes, in fact I will be losing sleep over something delicious so I can't complain but I do want to have some sort of release. And so here it is;

I have something you don't.

I know you may think you have it all. You may mock me. I've got more power than you think; I know how to care for the different people in my life. I know what it is to love. I know what it is to help. I know myself. I have been tested but guess what BITCHES, I have survived! So you can do what you want, stare, whisper, treat me as if I am invisible one minute and then bump into me the next, I will stare as I do right back at you. I will keep the expression you obviously loathe on my face. I will keep everything like the evil bitch you think I am. I will take NOTHING of yours because I DO NOT WANT IT. I am writing this because I need a release.

I can wear what you do and my legs will look better than yours. It's true. I have superficially good things about me too. And I'll wear it with better class, oh and class; it's so easy for you to say I'm not classy for doing this when you can't say anything to my FACE.

You're not special, neither am I, we're just humans who shit, fart, eat and slurp drinks once in a while. If anyone finds you special, they don't see that bitchiness you give to me, if a DECENT person saw that, one who isn't selfish and all attention for themselves as I know a lot of mummy's boys and mums who's husband would rather look at the lingerie model than see what they have tried on and husbands who are NEVER going to get that lingerie model, they'd see you for what you truly are. You are two faced. I have something you don't. I am GENIUNE. Fuck you!

And that felt GOOD. But not as good or great or fantastic or life changing as the Dominant man in my life. I'm not using him as a card in this argument rather than he's on my mind constantly.

Oh yes every relationship has its dynamic, but perhaps yours has JUST that. Good luck raising a child as selfish and bitchy as you are. HE makes feel things that you won't feel because you're too closed minded to be open to really experience love so have fun lusting over Brad Pitt or Gary Oldman or Alan "his voice is so sexy" Rickman, I have EVERYTHING I NEED AND WANT. HA!

Confidence boost.

Today, I got told something that made me blush. Understand, that when my cheeks blush they're about two tones lighter than your average person's. If I could actually blush, I would have been beet red when she said this. We got to laughing about a comparison my mum made, my mum is always complimentary about me, it's a testament to how dedicated she is to her daughters and how devoted. So, she once said to me you look like Ava Gardner. Seriously. Am I a tall siren with long wavy black tresses with bedroom eyes and generous lips? No not me, not I. I'm cute, I'm pretty but my siren quality comes from my mind. It comes from within. That doesn't mean I don't think of myself as a sexual woman, but I don't stop men or women in their tracks no matter how much leg I show or if I get my hair done or walk tall and sway my hips.

My sister said after one or two images, you don't look disimilar. You have the same type of nice symetrical face and clear skin. If you take away Gardner's dramatic eyebrows, she said I can see how that comparison was made. Inside, I was melting, outside I laughed and said that the same could be said about any Indian girl, it's the dark hair and features that you're probably seeing really. My sister has lighter hair. But she "insisted."

In that minute and now, I got a confidence boost. It's not politically correct to get that from someone else. No matter how much I try and shrug off being looked at and then having the person turn their face and then the person next to me gets more than a second's glance, whether it's my friend from my old school or someone from today, no matter how much I myself like how I look, it's actually lovely when someone says something nice about your appearance to you. No matter how little our appearance is supposed to matter and no matter which box we're supposed to fit in, it's nice to be likened to beautiful, perhaps especially when you're looked at with frowns and straight through the eyes as if you're invisible in a world that values fake tans and showiness.

I want to be seen as a sexual woman and an alluring one. It matters to me because I AM a sexual woman and I dislike living two lives, as if my sexuality is supposed to be a secret. I won't tell you everything but when you look at me, I don't want you to see a prude. At the same time, I'm not willing to fall over in spiky heels, I dress to flatter my body, for colour and at the same time I want to be able to walk fast and long distances in my town centre.

I'm still working on processing my Dominant's compliments. There's one in particular I could just live on, not because it's a showy gesture, but He nailed it when He said this to me.