Confidence boost.

Today, I got told something that made me blush. Understand, that when my cheeks blush they're about two tones lighter than your average person's. If I could actually blush, I would have been beet red when she said this. We got to laughing about a comparison my mum made, my mum is always complimentary about me, it's a testament to how dedicated she is to her daughters and how devoted. So, she once said to me you look like Ava Gardner. Seriously. Am I a tall siren with long wavy black tresses with bedroom eyes and generous lips? No not me, not I. I'm cute, I'm pretty but my siren quality comes from my mind. It comes from within. That doesn't mean I don't think of myself as a sexual woman, but I don't stop men or women in their tracks no matter how much leg I show or if I get my hair done or walk tall and sway my hips.

My sister said after one or two images, you don't look disimilar. You have the same type of nice symetrical face and clear skin. If you take away Gardner's dramatic eyebrows, she said I can see how that comparison was made. Inside, I was melting, outside I laughed and said that the same could be said about any Indian girl, it's the dark hair and features that you're probably seeing really. My sister has lighter hair. But she "insisted."

In that minute and now, I got a confidence boost. It's not politically correct to get that from someone else. No matter how much I try and shrug off being looked at and then having the person turn their face and then the person next to me gets more than a second's glance, whether it's my friend from my old school or someone from today, no matter how much I myself like how I look, it's actually lovely when someone says something nice about your appearance to you. No matter how little our appearance is supposed to matter and no matter which box we're supposed to fit in, it's nice to be likened to beautiful, perhaps especially when you're looked at with frowns and straight through the eyes as if you're invisible in a world that values fake tans and showiness.

I want to be seen as a sexual woman and an alluring one. It matters to me because I AM a sexual woman and I dislike living two lives, as if my sexuality is supposed to be a secret. I won't tell you everything but when you look at me, I don't want you to see a prude. At the same time, I'm not willing to fall over in spiky heels, I dress to flatter my body, for colour and at the same time I want to be able to walk fast and long distances in my town centre.

I'm still working on processing my Dominant's compliments. There's one in particular I could just live on, not because it's a showy gesture, but He nailed it when He said this to me.