The night brings confidence.

And the early mornings bring dreams of adventure. How many fucking dreams of adventure before I wake up to reality. I know, people say that and you think well do something about it but last night's dream? I was in this building of apartments, yup yup check list, and come to think of it maybe only the walls weren't white but there was snow too. And I was just having the best time walking in these different shoes each day and talking to my mother, nope, nope cross the list. I have this confidence in my dreams and the result is bliss. I felt bliss in my heart.

*shrugs*


I really need to take initiative. I mean it's so easy to get into a routine but I need to set myself tasks and goals. I was doing this quiz on facebook, oh yeah baby, and I really need to check list the following, "With almost no time to consider or judge, you jump into situations head-on. Sure, you may be afraid, but it is the search for new things, new obsessions, new ways of thinking that give you reason to live. You overachieve, you are intelligent you believe you are destined for great things." But when day breaks, fear sets in. Sometimes I get so cold, I want to bury myself in the earth.

Truthfully I think writing has been a good and bad thing for me. I mean ideally I would be writing after a day where I couldn't possibly do more with it. But I initially started writing as a result of what is inside me, that doesn't come out in the day, when I'm outside. I want to not only be able to articulate what I want and what I feel but I want to do things I don't know if I want and I want to see what I feel afterwards. I think I have to sacrifice some of my beliefs to get to doing something I want. In some way writing has given me a confidence but you know I'm not happy with what little I have done in my life. Actions really do speak louder than words.