Today was one of those nothing days. I didn't get much sleep, I couldn't get back to sleep after taking 2 pills, then I was in two minds, should I go out (it was a really sunny day here) or stay in..of course when I have that pain in my head and eyes from lack of sleep, I tend to stay in if given the choice. I also watched the movie Stella with Bettle Midler. I love Trinny Alvarado in this movie. I miss the days of Winona Ryder, Alvarado, Jean Louisa Kelly (Uncle Buck), Molly Ringwald, girls who didn't fit cliches..they had certain habits which made the movie funnier- Ryder especially- but now I don't see many females on the small screen that I can identify with, and that's why I love the 80s and 90s movies. I CAN relate to America Ferrera in Real Women Have Curves not because she had curves but because she plays a woman who makes the term "real women" proud. I believe in that term. People who say oh I'm a size 8, aren't I real, have totally missed the concept. I think of real women as more no nonsense women but those who have so many dimensions to their personalities, they have complexities and depth and Ferrera's character Ana was a real woman. I used her character's name for a romantic story I did later on, I hope the spirit of that character was alive in my own.
The more I can just be around by own thoughts, the better for me. I remember the time when my own thoughts were the only thing I could stand to be around and even today, part of my decision to not go outside was that I just didn't want to be around anyone. I don't like society, I don't like the people I encounter so for peace of mind yes I avoid them when I can.
Peace of mind is underrated.
However, I do enjoy going outside for long walks and tomorrow I'm putting my best dress, literally, and meeting my family.
Anyway, today I was thinking also about going back to my former diet. I have maintained my weight through thought and moderation/if you eat extra, do something extra, which is about 55kg but I've noticed my skin is quite irritated in places and that got me thinking about the chocolate biscuits and salt and preservatives as part of the baked snacks I LOVE so much..but I left off them last year, I can do it again. I suppose it takes a breakout to make you act positively and not just bemoan the fact that this always happens to you. Shit tends to happen. It's all part of being human, the systems we have inside, our cells, our blood, our organs, which is why it's hardly unsurprising to have break outs or to get eczema (for me on my face- yum) or get acne. At least mine is pink at the moment and is manageably in one place and not blood red but if it is tomorrow morning, I can't freak out about it. I can still look pretty..and human. It annoys me when I see how superificial people are, I mean even reading throwaway comments like that on Sex and The City, they refer to those women as witches, which as a term is kind of funny but what they're witches because they don't fit the mold of the perfect and sweet woman? Funny how that Charlotte character is the one who didn't scare the shit out of people, maybe it's because she's naive and submissive..something she grows out of later. Carrie is sweet like Charlotte but that's lost on people.. after reading why men "hate SJP" I can only come to the conclusion that thank God I'm not sitting next to one at the moment, how needy and intolerant these immature mum's/girlfriends' boys are, she happens to say what's on her mind and it's not oh gee that's swell or can I kiss your arse/cock, boo hoo. Annoying.
Moving on, I hope tomorrow is more productive, I don't really like wasting my days and it makes sleep that much harder. It's not like I'll learn my lesson though. Short term history repeats itself!
No comments:
Post a Comment