I can't focus on anything else but I regret to admit his body on mine and his face in front of me. Sometimes I forget what he looks like but there is something in his eyes which won't escape my mind. I know I like to have something to focus on but I have a particular strong sense of him today and I don't really care about anything else as much.
This is very annoying to me. But I'd rather be an idiot than a fucking phoney who picks and chooses what she puts out there. It's flaws and all with me.
I imagined last night that he was just a fuck. Today I'm more into the romance side of things. Not true love, no I don't believe in that. As humans we're always changing, evolving and moving around mentally, physically, whatever so I think there's more people not going to end up together with the same person forever than those who actually do. However, this is bullshit. So that's probably not true at all.
The romance with him involves me and him at , let's say my place, and him fucking me in my bed and on the sofa with me perched on his lap and going out with him and fucking there too. It's just all him. That's when I know it's not love but obsession. And if he didn't want anything to do with me later, I'd still do him. I'd make that clear to him. I'd take him again. Maybe not again after that, I don't think about the future that far ahead (I honestly can't imagine making 70 and not being dried up). Oh yeah I'd still fuck him at 70 if I did make it that far, I'd want the fuck of fucks.
I think about monogamy. I think respect for someone else should beat out all this bullshit about infidelity. You should be able to have that much respect for yourself and be honest if you are fucking someone else behind your "other half"'s back and go from there.
I've never been cheated on and if I was, I would have said before I would kill my boyfriend. I still stand by that. He'd fall out of what he thought was love for me but if he cheated on me that's it; I'd blow that bastard up. If he merely fell out of love with me, I'd lay it out on the table that I'd still blow him anytime and I'd say see ya around sweetheart. Yeah in my dreams. I'd probably snivel, cry and whimper but the wicked part of me would lay that out and then the other which I have to say is the larger part of me would leave him the fuck alone.
But enough of that, being a woman doesn't mean I have to imagine our futures. I see his face. In some way, it's there. It's mostly his eyes. And yeah all the things we do together. It's mostly him that I have a strong sense of him rather than a sexual situation.
Tomorrow I may see him at work. I'll do my work and fantasise about him every time he bends down and that is so cliched but I bet his arse his tight and spankable. I want to fuck his arsehole. Why are men so afraid of that..maybe he would be too but I'd tell him how I'd like to stick my tit there, which reads as very stupid but if two women can (I find it erotic too watch) why can't a man and woman? I don't know about fucking him with a dildo. I don't think I like that idea in fact.
We'll see..I'll be so horny come tomorrow morning who knows what I'll be thinking about him. I'll really focus on that.
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