A few somethings.

Either today is the day for epiphanies (some are good - I think. We'll see)/idiocy or the freezing cold air has cleared a few things.

I was wondering for sometime how I was ever going to live in a world like this. Okay okay this is who I am. I tend to complain. And say things like we are all going to die from cancer most probably. However, the way the masses/mainstream society are; superficial in a lot of ways it made me think I could not live properly and it was no fun anymore and I was merely surviving. Of course the cliches and sayings how no one can make you feel inferior but yourself and that it's up to you to make the best, I still believe are to be read into and I don't believe without thinking about them. They are true to some extent - for me- in the sense I want to make the best of the environment I am in and be focused on what I want and truly live and not just survive. But that doesn't come without making sacrifices. Learning to go out spots and all is indeed superficial but when people stare at that speficic area it no longer makes me want to cover it or be upset rather I will think about it but I don't care about these small things and I now practice not just believe in the bigger picture over the smaller things.

And learning that no matter what you eat or what tablets you take, time is the main factor for a cure. These things don't always even speed the recovery up, they can make worse or the can just not work. And that a cure happens when you are not looking or not thinking. Perhaps it doesn't even happen and you just become used to something.

Imperfection and other people's snobbery no longer affects me to the extent it used to. I am still sensitive to needs but I feel have grown up some and learned what I really want from life. Which is to help homeless people and young children. And I will have to go through a lot of stuff there and comments and stares but I am a woman. I'm not a girl anymore. And I don't read magazines and think gosh I wish I could look like her or let me copy her look or dress. And I don't think tomorrow is another day in the sense I can make myself perfect and not have anyone saying anything but tomorrow is another day FOR ME. For things I have learned to prioritise. I have moved on. I can truly live in a world that has many problems like I have problems and I can be happy even when I talk to people who have insecurities and want what I used to want. I don't have insecurites when I say I am not beautiful because my point is why does beauty matter?

And I don't get upset when I talk to people who believe differently and they may be close to me and I see superficiality in them. And one girl who may read this and think it's about her, Honey, it's not! You are awesome. I don't care if you don't agree with everything and if you go hmm..but I still think..you still listen. That's a big something.