Playing the victim.

About two years ago, two people logged into an online forum and tried to create havoc. Nope, I'm not talking about me and my friend, these were two posters who were NASTY. I still think about what they wrote.

It started off with one poster replying back to a thread started in which we talked about a movie, a person, us, our wishes , our situations and stuff that was just plain fun. None of it was offensive- you'll have to take my word for it, I don't want to divulge all details in case I am attacked on here. I have thought actually about giving away the posters' usernames but for the same reason, have decided not to. Plus, I see no point. And I think whilst I would have liked to have said something to them once, I think them as pointless as their lives must have been at that time.

They sure did try to destroy the board or forum.

Their reply was their opinion on our lives. You see, it wasn't their opinion on life but an opinion on our own. Then they definitely tried to play the victim of life and also by saying they would leave. Did they leave? Nope. They wanted to play with us. To destroy us. No one gives an opinion in such a way especially if they can be as articulate and quite eloquent as this person was with the English language, if they are just giving an opinion. They had a motive. The word for them is troll.

So I confronted them as best I could at the time. I kept it honest and no way as offensive as they were to us. The worst I did was to take a line they wrote and use it sarcastically. That was the absolute worst. The most of what I wrote was probably about a paragraph or two keeping it polite but honest of why we were on the board.

Then, another poster posted. Now, they did not waste any time telling us what they thought of us. They attacked us. The other person was more than just frank but this one full on attacked us. And myself- they basically wrote an @ my username and had told me off. So I replied back. And this time I called them a troll. And I raised points about them not posting on here before or on any board on the website for that matter, I also questioned their questioning of the motive of our posts; I asked why there was a problem in us posting about a movie, about a person on a board which is about that and how it and they inspire us.

The reponses I got for a week after could be described as a sort of verbal war. Of course in war it takes two sides. But I was being earnest and they were not. I was being played.

I saw that then too.

I then started another thread to post a link. I did not want my link in that thread which had this verbal war going on. It seemed the oh so weary initial poster had a lot of energy all of a sudden and either took on another identity in the form of what can only be described as a car wreck second poster..or they formed an alliance, their bitterness, anger and viscious nature similar to extremists. You know every time I post a word in this post, I remember an attack of theirs. There is not one action of mine they did not attack -including my tendency to post and then edit. I should have told them, right. ! I should have changed this impatience in my character and done what they not so politely "advised" me to do.

And they also spread a lie that I had reported their posts as offensive and gotten them deleted. People on River Phoenix boards have the power to get posts deleted (i got mine deleted once when I merely said I enjoyed his performance in one particular movie) but on this board for an actor and movie that did not have as much hype and legend as Phoenix, I really doubt anyone has the power to get posts deleted.

I have mentioned they were articulate and quite eloquent. They had a way with words. And so did the second poster. And there were times it made me wonder that they weren't the same person, something I put across to them to make it known to them I'm earnest but not a fool; I know when I'm being played I just don't know how to make their play stop because once I was in, I didn't have that power, they did. Their posts were so on the same wavelength, their words so similar, their style so similar.

Their articulation and way with words was a strength that enabled them to make me feel like shit. Like shit, that I was typing from my heart and without motive. And then it stung; they compared me to Hilter and talked about the great dictator in Chaplin movies and mocked my signature which was a quote.

They also interfered with conversations I had with people in particular one poster who has turned out to be one of my best friends and it was apparent we bonded in our posts which they butted into...there's no rule but they basically butted right in. They twisted my sentences, added words and mocked my signature and my motive for posting. When my motive for posting was to reply to posts theirs included. I have every right to do that. But you see, when someone is picking a fight, should you not just say one sentence, take the high road and then walk away? Especially in this environment when they can not get physical on you.

There were so many things they did and said. And in one post I made my feelings quite clear, I don't regret that because I was earnest and honest before and this is the way I wanted to go out, so thats how I would be going out from this board.

Of course, they called me the devil. "The devil posted a new thread to ask people to come play" words to that effect.

I called them a troll. The worst I did was call them that and call them angry. And they called me Hitler and the devil. It's no wonder I lost a night's sleep over this. I told my sister. I felt sad that I would lose a friend that I found on here but mostly I felt- me, the person whom THEY called the devil- what have I done wrong?! I questioned myself and was hard on myself. Sure, I should not have been earnest and honest with them and pulled out and taken the high road after my initial post but to question myself; what have I done wrong when they were attacking from the first post, that is the power of being a bully in cyber space in particular.

Now, I have had my share of experiences with bullies but to not be able to look these cyberspace ones in the eye and to not be able to give them a peace of my mind PROPERLLY face to face and in front of everyone - because posts can not convey expressions - emoticons, still dont know how to use them- and they only go so far, well it was that and the idea that they knew I had been bullied not by my telling them but they knew, it was all a lot for me.

Since then, after reading their so far most viscious what turned out to be goodbye, parting post, I have posted on that board and others. Since then, I have not experienced anything like this. There was one poster but they were not like them and had something to say and talk about, not just attack.

Those two, posted after perhaps ten odd posts that they admired a certain someone and to an extent I did what they did ...I butted in. How dare they try and put on this act?I had been attacked for a week. I thought it was about justice more so than revenge. Then I apologised saying I shouldn't have butted in and called them a liar- because I honestly thought they were posting that just to cover their motives.

You see how pathetically earnest I was.

I have been honest ..in my writing it's all honest..and my blog is earnest and honest but when I'm on a forum where these type of people are there..since then, I have been careful. And they were not the only two who wanted to create havoc and destroy to some extent, like I said we had another who did have something to talk about to but they did attack, and since that person and if they come back or those other two come back, I know I won't be posting anything to them. Be it an attack on me ..this is the internet...you want to fight- you do it outside.

Trolls play the victim, they make out they are hurt, they make it so they are the ones who are confused even when you lay yourself on the line so fully, sometimes they may not even know how very close to the definition of troll their posts are but when you see one of those posts, you know and you should walk away. You can't create a change in a two dimensional world.

I felt devasted after my encounter with these trolls and should they really have that power to make me feel devasted? No. They trapped me. And I felt trapped. I wanted to scream and tell someone, ask someone to help. I got messages of support without doing so but there was no obvious us against them union online and that made me sad. I would have done it in a heartbeat.

Something has been destroyed on that board and someone has gone. I think we all know why that is. But this is the internet.

"Do not feed the trolls" and its abbreviation DNFTT redirect here. For the Wikimedia essay, see "What is a troll?".
In Internet slang, a troll is someone who posts inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community, such as an online discussion forum, chat room or blog, with the primary intent of provoking other users into an emotional response[1] or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion." wikipedia.