Starry eyes.

There are many beautiful things in this world. But I don't believe in beauty amongst human beings. I mean inside I do but outside, it is very fickle and so are the so called believers. I suppose you could say it's because I am not part of that world. And that isn't putting myself down. I honestly don't see why I have to be pretty or beautiful or why another human needs to be? I don't see the fuss. I mean I have called things and people beautiful but I mean it in a certain way. Not in a sexual way. Sex and beauty to me are opposites. Sex is need. Pure need. It's not supposed to be beautiful but that in itself is fucking gorgeous.

I don't believe it when someone calls me beautiful because I know that they are lying slightly. It's sort of a play whether intentional or not and a bit of an act.

I just wish we could look through starry eyes forever and see the beauty in movement and life and nothing else. Stills are boring. Stillness is boring. Silence however I love. I would love to have music as the only noise I hear for a day.

I heard today a woman who helped the Anne Frank family has passed away. She is a true hero and if you wish to invest in the word beautiful, that is beauty. It's selfless and vital and so amazing. Awesome- truly awesome.

I don't know about movies. I think they trick us. I mean they capture something but I was watching Daybreakers this movie I would have killed to have seen, okay I exagerate (join me, it's not half fun) and you know it annoys me. The character of Edward Dalton and just the way Ethan Hawke portrays him (one of my favourite actors) reminds me of someone and that in turn makes me want to get back to my writing of Slowburn.. which I have the nerve to call Daybreakers annoying but my pretence writing isn't annoying? But the responsible male is damned sexy.

Which brings me to a great book I read today. An Education. About an irresponsible male. The film was okay...David in the film I thought creepy but I think some men just are. And women, God we're fucking creeps too. But you know it's such an honest no bullshit -ultimately book. Cos it's real life.

I'm not high in case you wondered. It's the godamned brilliant music I played for an hour LOUD through my headphone where I was able to pick up each strum in Beethoven's e flat minor or major whatever I don't care I just love that "tune."

It almost makes me want to read Bryon. Almost.

But I'd rather come alive to Running Up That Hill. It's Kate Bush's original I love the most. She's amazing at music.