Do I just completely hate myself or what. I've decided to pick at my face so much it's bled. In one area. How many times have I said to myself although any deep pimples take time to heal, in my case weeks, let them heal and don't make them bleed but no I'm always looking for a solution. Get the stuff out, well with that stuff comes blood. And now it's far worse plus I could have an infection as I had once before. I'm not going to pay for some cream which may or may not work especially by the time I get it, it'll be days after, I need to see a dermatologist but I'm too fucking tired and I've never seen one before, will I be put on a waiting list even if I go privately? I just want to wait until a scab forms, will it even form? I've lost the will to have a plan b. But why did I pick at it? What the hell. No one is angrier with me or more disgusted than myself, trust me I let myself down as much others. I think I have some kind of hurt me streak inside. Like things weren't too bad, I was getting sun, air and had my two jobs, now I just am back to being this closeted mouse. What the hell.
I'm fairly sure this little self destructive streak started when I had too much time on my hands, more than usual, yesterday, I should just keep myself busy doing SOMETHING when I don't have work. I'm such a shit, people have real problems and I make problems for myself. I'm pathetic but I also can be pretty fucking kick arse and awesome, I need to stop letting other people's comments get to me. Long ago, I threw away the idea I would ever get anything but mocked by those bastards, now why can't I see bastards come in different forms, they can be a 40 year old mum or a 20 year old woman, it doesn't matter, I just need to love myself COMPLETELY. I don't hate myself but I do things which just make me want to throttle my own little neck.
I'm sorry for your troubles recently!!! I am going to share with you a couple of things that finally seem to be working for me and hopefully could work for you!!!! 1)If you are able to get it...a tea of tincture of St. John's Wort and Valerian Root! It doesn't taste the best but it helps me! I had a tincture and just held 10 drops under my tongue for about 30 seconds and rinsed with water! 2)After a month I have noticed a big change in my skin! Especially my face!!! I've been using totally natural and chemical free soaps!!! I'm not developing any new cyst-like things that are deep, hard and painful. I'm getting whiteheads!!! Which means the toxins are being allowed to come to the surface to be expelled!!! I'm not holding my breath because, in my experience, it can all go back in the blink of an eye, but I am hopeful! I have an appointment with a dermatologist on the 15th. I'll let you know what happens! I don't know if you can get "Kiss My Face" brand soaps and creams where you are. But try to get soaps and creams that only have 3 or 4 ingredients and no fragrance! If you can't pronounce or understand some of the words, don't get it!!! Best of luck!!!
ReplyDeleteElizabeth, thank you. You are so, so much more informative than the countless sites I visited yesterday. I actually took a rish this morning. When I woke up, I saw it was this yellow thing with bloood red around it. I read yesterday it could be a scab or actually pus...when I cleaned it this morning although gently, I had stuff coming out. It was mostly clear stuff so what I did was put this Compeed blister plaster over it. Much better than Elastoplast but I put a large on so it didn't take of any skin hopefully forming. When I woke 3 hours later, I saw that the blood red side had gone and that yellow thing was certainly no scab. Perhaps just very weak skin mixed with clear fluid. So I took of the plaster to let it breathe but it kept oozing slightly and it was only 6am. I put another one of these plaster and found more of an improvement. Now the place is not swollen, though not completely flat but I dont expect it to be, it doesn't hurt and the raw skin has some cover over it,and it's not as yellow, may be a good or bad thing, and the red has gone pink. It's a miracle but I have no more of these expensive plasters left and I have let the thing just breathe today. I'll be going without cover up or make up for the next two days to let it heal, it looks like it should heal but doesn't look so omg RAW. I am going to buy some of those compeed plasters for the future and so I wil look for the products you mentioned. Fortunately and unfortunately my skin is baby soft and sensitive but it does heal good though it takes time.
ReplyDeleteSorry that's risk not rish!
ReplyDeleteAlso I will be keeping fingers crossed for your appointment and messaging you nearer the time.
ReplyDelete