I didn't want to be told this.

So, I went to the doctors and I was told I was depressed. I haven't been sleeping, my main issue and I scratch and scratch at rashes and pick at scabs, I'm fidgety when awake and when asleep. But I didn't want to hear the word depressed. You know why? Because I feel like a loser when I'm told this and I don't want to be told I'm lacking. I KNOW that to certain parts of society I am seen as lacking so I just can't be depressed AS WELL. I'm not calling people with depression a loser but what I'm saying is I feel like I loser because I ain't exactly a winner in this world. I don't want to be this big thing don't get me wrong and don't you think by now I would have done something more to achieve more stuff, the thing is I'm happy just writing and earning to keep a roof over my head and feed and clothe myself. I do want to earn more just for the future but I have no big need for a fancy car or house probably because my family is doing okat money wise and I've never been short of money, not that we holiday and go on cruises, we're too sensible. And that's cool with me. I've veered off a bit, so there is a label attached to depression but mostly if someone popular got told they were depressed, noses would be less turned down but me? Oh gosh I can just hear the yeah I sort of knew this already coming on, suddenly everyone is a doctor.

I did question the doctor and tell him everything that I could think of as I tend to but he was determined I was depressed. he's not the first person who has diagnosed me with this but the person before didn't exactly give it as a diagnosis.

So I'm on anti depressant which will calm me down, I already feel calm though I just have the habit of picking at stuff and I have very itchy like reflexes, once I start that place goes red because it's SO itchy. I keep my nail short and do all the stuff a good hygenic little girl is supposed to do and I know can be excitable but I do love life, I just have a problem with the people who havea problem with me but come on that's just being human. I'm sensitive for sure but I'm also brave..doesn't mean I can't be depressed too but I don't feel that I fit the other symptoms of depression, I do appreciate there are differnt "levels."

I'm a loner as well but I do like company I just don't trust that easily. Can you blame me, considering I have been bullied since pre school, not a moan just a fact. I tell everyone I've been bullied, I ain't ashamed of other people's prejudices, they aren't my own, I look fine, I act fine, I talk fine and I walk fine but for some reason people have always had a problem with me. And I'll be the first to say I'm weird and a little deep.

The problem I have is certain people, you know what I mean, getting diagnosed with depression.