Oh.

Love songs sound better.

I understand the smaller lines in them.

I take more care over my appearance. I want to look as beautiful as I can be.

I'm pushing myself work wise, when I'm outside, when I write, when I read. Erotica is a big passion of mine, now reading, reading a GOOD book is a passion of mine.

I'm learning to control myself. Rise above the bad, and it's working.

I'm not in love.

No, I have no rosy outlook. But I see a future.

And actually, I'm scared of what could be.

If you ask me, since my realisation from last week, part of me wishes I hadn't had it- because then I could hide and be mediocre. But now, I have to put myself out there and I know the difference between my daily life outside in the world I don't belong in, I don't in the sense of someone who's just an outsider, a nobody, and how I am the same person I am now, writing this, to how I am in this daily life.

A million things run through me each second.

When I see other people, I see that they see something in me, not of worth. Fuck them.

There's no "victory march" There may never be closure. There may never be social victory. But I know what there will be and I urge any woman to go out there and go for it. No success, no failures, just experience after experience, you learn from both good and bad and the bad can be so hurtful and lethal, but you will survive- and I'll bet you'll survive because you took that chance of putting yourself out there.