I'm getting closer to what I want career wise but it could be tricky.

I've been treated selfishly in life, avoided, mocked, belittled, it makes me selfish too. I don't want to share my pleasure in sex unless the person is completely deserving. Why am I wasting my time giving and not getting? The money at the moment isn't going to pay my bills. Human interaction is necessary because it's necessary not to make that divide between you and others so great, the world is full of people, what more can I say. So I need something with human interaction as well as being able to sink my teeth into something and I'm interested in all aspects of sex. I want to be in research, I'd say presenting but I'll have to get thicker skin for the shit that would come with that, a speaker..but working to serve men? No. I can't do it. I need something back. I need to not be used.

"Fear of not being liked, of being alone, of the consequences of escaping and standing up for your rights and life, are strong motivators that make women pull each other back down to where it is sad but safe and familiar."

It says women but I believe men can be as bitchy as women. I feel that not being liked as a person and also my image, and being alone and standing up for my rights is my life, it's being made my life and I actually believe in it. My differences will always be their problem. But why should it be mine? That's my point. I WILL stand up for my rights, to be ME whether that's different or not. Someone asked me if I was interested in psychology and I straight away always said no. I don't want to understand prejudices, I don't need reasons, I don't need closure, I'm not interested in behaviour. Humans don't fascinate me, but some of their actions, like what Shakespeare wrote, his flair, that fascinates me.

My eyes are opening, I am maturing but boy am I behind in terms of my career.


Yesterday I was watching this programme about this Indian princess and she comes to England, she is so different to the other girls and the people she meets here, but she always being called shy, anxious. She is NOT. She is just different but I could see they label me the same as her. Moody. Shy. You see someone's looks and you have your labels, they don't perform like a seal and your labels are even more justified in your head. It's this narrowmindedness, I am different to and so is she. Here's to the person, the individual and broadening a life.