Better to love than to hate.

The other day someone took a picture and the more I looked at it, the more the bad stuff came back. It was like I blamed what I saw in that picture for the bad stuff and it's true it could well have been the target all along. It was also a surprise. Part of me thinks this is the way the light hit it and made what was in the picture look bigger. It wasn't necessarily the size of what was in the picture, it was that I didn't recognise it, it looked foreign, it looked more like my old self and of course, heaven forbid one must keep up the facade. The idea that only pointy and thin can captivate, this is an idea I see all around but perhaps I only see the thin part and don't look deeper, the very thing that I call society on, perhaps I am as guilty.

So I decided better than to hate my face, I'm going to love it to pieces, no matter what.

I have become fascinated with Mullholland Drive and David Lynch. This is a whole new world to me. Of course when I read and see something intelligent, I see someone praised for their beauty and then I look up things and then I compare their impressions on people to the ones I make. But if I think like this then I'm being dragged down by those who are superficial and childish. I'm so much more than that so I shouldn't be dragged down to their level even if sometimes it would be so much easier to fit in for the purpose you don't get targetted. But then who would target someone? That's the thing, it's from a bad place and you'll end up very mad if you take their weakness on and blame yourself. Afterall, if what's different about you is a problem for someone else, then why should YOU have to change that? It's easier but also what if it can't change? Then what are you going to do? Surgery? It's extreme, the whole concept is extreme. Why all this hate? We get that from outside, why feel it inside? Why not turn to love? Why not love yourself? Why not write your own rules?