Every now and then I read a comment about this movie. And it brings back feelings of oh gosh I want to word how much I hate this movie but I need to articulate myself better.
Here goes.
It's just so uninspiring. Let's use that old chestnut of "I mean if you're going to make a movie", but seriously why NOT make one that really does something? It'd still make money and be a welcome relief to Schindler's List's serious, (erm..) drama.
I didn't even find TACAD (ooh so that what it looks like abbreviated but not yet covered in poo) entertaining, I mean Janeane's witty one liners and interaction with Uma "I'd fuck you." "Thank you honey I know you would" were nice, but the movie was so one tone. You know one tone, just like not moving anywhere, so not dynamic and relying on the sunny lighting and rainbow colours of Hollywood movie settings to elevate the movie. It's not even thought provoking depressing bullshit. It's not that, I won't say what it is.
I don't particularly care about men who won't open a door for Janeane Garafalo. I don't care about men who are jerks or men who are kind of cynical and weary. But the movie puts men like that in focus when actually it shouldn't even be giving them the time of day.
So Abby, Janeane's character is smart, witty and gutsy on the radio. So what, she sees Uma and is like all omg gorgeous, yes what else could she be! I'll just let her make a move on fucking Ben Chaplin?! I mean, Abby you're a smart chick you honestly are going to push another woman onto him??
And are we supposed to be happy with the notion that ..seriously stop what you're doing cos this is groundbreaking..some women's beauty comes from..within..every fucking woman's beauty comes from within! I'm not going to buy into society's crap that Uma is more beautiful than Janeane or vice versa because I'd like to think I have evolved past that high school IMDB debate crap. And it's true some men will always prefer the tall, angular blonde even if she's as "dorky" as her short brunette friend but are those men worth bothering with?
No amount of pore minimiser is going to make the right guy for you fall in love with you. And you don't want some asshole superficial mind of a 13 yr old jerk fall in love with you because then it's up to you to make your kids turn out okay, you know?! That's just too much responsibility for one person!
And so Brian Ben Chaplin's character is all I lurve phone sex with you Abby baby and I see something in you ..through my photographer's lens (yah right, he's got two women in the apartment, and he's JUST taking photos..)but I'm still going to feed Uma sorry Noelle sorry Mad..Tadonna cheescake, whilst Paul Weller's You Do Something To Me is hideously misused. But I love you Abby "cos you know when you.." Oh Gawd I'm gagging at that point!
Look Bri, Abby and Unicorn, I'd have made a movie where I'd love to see the sensuality in Abby a woman who looks as fucking earthy as she sounds and Unicorn without her billowy granny dresses and Brian being a fucking MAN, you know? He sounds, looks and acts like a boy.
Cyrano De Bergerac Truth and Dogs AIN'T. And neither of them are Gerard Depardieu.
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