I'm not mocking beauty, I just want to be free, know what I mean?

"I saw this woman with a haggard old face and she skipped over the puddles of rain and laughed like she was five." I just came out with that crap. But it sounds like something a male in the mob majority would say or a woman without compassion and warmth. Warmth that isn't just reserved for the hot stuff referring to both people and objects in society.

I always go back to that time when I was 4, just wishing I were male, not in a I'm having an op way, but in a they have so much freedom when it comes to certain things that must surely rock way. I'm not saying they don't have appearance issues but beauty is more linked to femininity and women. God, have you ever even heard beauty not linked to femininity? A woman without beauty must surely not be feminine according to some.

I was reading a friends's blog post and I have some answers to her questions. These answers are mine, they apply to me,this is what I see when I see me. I'm not mocking beauty, I just want to be free, know what I mean? I don't want to hear anything of the you're beautiful or you don't have any problems or you have one problem, here cover it up. I don't want to hear any of that. If you don't get this blog post, you don't deserve to know me, quite frankly.

"Look at the reflection in the mirror. What do you see?"

What's even my true image anymore? Mirrors vary so much. But I see sometimes big, sometimes small dark eyes, sad even when I'm happy. They're just shaped like that, of course according to society I must have sadness inside. Society knows you more than you, remember kids! I do hope the sarcasm translates.

"Do you see yourself or just your image?"

I've started to see me. I look in my eyes, at them, more.

"Do you see who you are or what you portray?"

More who I am, nowadays.

"What do you see when you look in those eyes? Do you see truth and beauty or ugliness and lies? Is that a sparkle or just tears waiting to fall?"

I see truth. Just truth, they're honest eyes. Shaped like I don't always feel but inside when you REALLY look, they're honest.

"Do you love this person? Really love them? Would you give up everything and anything so they could be happy?"

Yes.

"Would you be friends with them?"

Yes though sometimes the hate that comes from others comes from me to me. I don't give them that power much anymore.

"Are you holding the mirror up for yourself or is someone holding it for you?"

BLOODY GOOD QUESTION!

"Are you being forced to see the truth so you can honestly change and make a difference? Or is someone cramming it down your throat and trying to mold you into what they want?"

Yes they do try, they will NEVER succeed though. I wanted to look like a french girl when I was young, all earthy looking, but I hear earthy takes hair straightners too.

"When you look in that mirror, do you see what others see or do you see your perception of what you think you’re seeing? Can you look into the reflection’s eyes and honestly say, “I love you.” and know you actually mean it? Do you see someone you wish didn’t exist? Do you want to cause harm or only love this person? Do you want to take them in your arms and tell them everything will be alright? Or do you just not care what happens? Put them out of their misery! Or do you see and feel everything .."

This is all kind of new to me, I haven't thought about it that much, I can walk around naked but looking in the mirror, really looking, and asking all of the above, I can so far, no I can't honestly say I love you..just yet because I'm only half a person at this point in my life, so MUCH i need to get out of me, I don't want to harm myself, I think everything won't be alright but I'l take me into my arms any day of the week, I love myself, I just don't lust myself, I don't want to kill myself though I have sometimes been on that brink in the past. I think i DO care. Gosh, excellent post Liz, I just haven't thought about this all to yet, because no matter how comfortable I am with myself, I just don't want to look at myself in the mirror to this extent, now the reason for that isn't too obvious because if it were I'd blog it.