No closure.

This year non stop I've had skin problems. They are only minor but I always get these sticky outy lumps bang right on the top of my cheeks. Why not the chin? Why not the nose? Why filled with icky stuff bang on somewhere so direct. It's not even acne that is normal. It adds to other things about me that are not normal. Once upon a time I used to hate myself for that, now I just got tired of it. I wouldn't hate myself if it wasn't pointed out to me. I think that we notice these flaws but actually it's others who have noticed it. Like I wrote before, I've had people talking directly at my spots, strangers staring at them whether it's one or two (I mean Jeez..am I like the acne Queen.other people have it too) and even my relatives say what are you using for treatment. Well, I'm not because they just don't budge with or without treatment and then there's the blood red scar. So annoying as my previous ones were healing, now I get one again that will cause many rude stares..like I don't have shit to deal with from people already.

I have to take medication to sleep at night because I don't get any closure. Spots wouldn't be a big deal with me if they were not made a big deal by others. I know my face is kind of round and pale and my new short hair draws more attention to it but have I ever asked for attention? Why can't I just be left alone? But no, I obviously can not be. I would like to go to sleep content and not have to wake up and look at red on yellow skin, which my skin is; that's natural for me. It's not exactly a great start to the day. And then once I'm out it's not like I'm allowed to forget about it. Yes, I can pretend I don't give a shit about the comments and stares but when I go to bed and I need a tablet to switch off for the past few months, I clearly do. I just for once want closure.

Am I not allowed my time in the sun? To be beautiful just one day, just one day to shut someone up? At school, whilst other girls were blossoming and I was listening to boys harp on about "Goddesses" in the media also, I just was the blimp who got comments like "not just a pretty face HAH" and "You are so beautiful. HAH." Seriously. But I suppose this only makes me more determined to have some glamour in my life.