Diary, I've been stupid,

This is my goodbye to this thing.

Feelings can not be helped and that I should never regret. That is who I am afterall. I also have zilch regret when it comes to my actions.

Nevertheless as I sit here feet soaking in water, after a good hard long walk in the hot sun, because it was hot and because I wanted a walk not to clear my mind because actuallythis diary entry is the only thing that will clear my mind, I know how I function and I have been wanting to write this all day.

I know that a certain thing is over now.

There will be moments where I still feel that prickly feeling of unworthiness or sadness, but these are blisters compared to the main things in life. The main things I have now come to realise. So I will take charge of those things and I will put this behind me. From now on, I will no longer visit anything directly that reminds me of what has happened, because I do not need this thing in my life anymore if such is the response.

There is a very small chance that truly zero time or very little of it has been available for this thing, not on my part. I have to be vague here and I will never give my readers details on this one. If that small chance turns out to be true, then at least I have still learnt something; that my feelings are not to be fucking trifled with -nevermind not by anyone else- but by myself. I have no buisness in feeling unworthy because of anything outside of what I have done.

I'm going to sit outside and watch Quiz Show and read Girl Interrupted, a movie I love and a book that has a lot of good questions. This is who I am and if someone tells you something about things working out for the best, it's bullshit because how could you know this? It may be true but I see no point in wasting time with this particular cliche, life is for living, along the way you will stumble and you'll hit blocks, but you have to go on because if you don't you won't know the best things in life either. There is no pretty little ending, there is just happiness. Sometimes it feels nice to think you are thought of or seen a certain way but when that is over, who says that's your fault!?!


Edit; this has been added about an hr later or whatever, the reason I have been stupid is to confuse one thing for something else, something that is very casual as opposed to ever so slightly meaningful. I believe this to be the case. I'm not saying confusion could never happen again and I do not jump into things but my instincts were wrong on this one, not to say I will not ever follow them again, I just won't give myself a hard time about it should there turn out to be no meaning. I am not hurt, I'm not crying because of someone, if I'm hurt or if I cry it's to let go of a feeling. Till next time, diary, and then I'll have something better for you!