*evening comes* *The Play*
"You 'll be great Neil. Go on" I'm pushed out of the curtain. I feel uncertain for a moment. The last few minutes, i felt nerves rushing through. I clear my voice.
"Thou speakest aright: I am that merry wanderer of the night. I jest to Oberon and make him smile when I a fat and bean-fed horse beguile, Neighing in likeness of a filly foal"
The audience laugh politely. I go back in behind the curtain as Lysander comes out.
I look through the curtain, as Lysander speaks. I love it. I love being on here. I was good out there. I haven't eaten at all today. But I feel like I could fly. I saw Mr Keating. I knew Todd and Charlie would be here. And all of our dead poets society. I couldnt see her.
"Here is my bed" Lsyander speaks.
The door sqeaks open. I look up, from Lsyander.
Oh God. Father.
Father is here.
"Sleep give thee all his rest!"
Its my turn to go out. Without words, I slowly walk back on and circle the beauty on the floor. I breathe in, feeling alive, so young so alive. I wish she was here to see me.
I walk towards the centre of the stage and look towards the audience. I catch my father's eye.
"If we shadows have offended, Think but this and all is mended
--That you have but slumb'red here While these visions did appear. And this weak and idle theme, No more yielding but a dream, Gentle, do not reprehend. If you pardon, we will mend. And as I am an honest Puck, If we have unearned luck Now to scrape the serpent's tongue.
We will make amends ere long; Else the Puck a liar call. So, good night unto you all. Give me your hands, if we be friends, And Robin will restore amends."
I smile as my eyes leave my fathers and I search the audience. I can see Todd. I can see Charlie. I rush behind the curtains.
Ah! I breathe. Behind the curtain I hear the audience. The sound is loud and glorious!
"YAWP!" I let out.
Mad, mad noise!
WOW. . Everyone rushes to me, we hug each other. "Thank you" I say. If only she was here.
"Neil your father"
Oh. I let go of me fellow actors' arms and gather my coat and bag.
I walk out, again on the stage.
I look straight at my father.
I can't even recognise the look on his face.
I walk off the stage and through the hall. I follow him outside through the excited crowds.
"Neil you have the gift" Mr Keating walks up to me in the parking lot.
"You keep a way from him" Father chokes out. I can't bear to look at anyone.
Thank you. I want to say to Captain. Thank you so much.
But I cant and I open the car door.
"Mr Perry" I look at Todd and Charlie, they’re looking back concerned.
The air feels too tight.
When I reach home, I notice Mother sitting in the corner of the living room. I look over to her. "
Father interupts "We've been trying very hard to understand why you insist on defying us, but, whatever the reason, I am not going to let you ruin your life. Tomorrow I am withdrawing you from Welton and enrolling you in Braden Military School. You are going to Harvard and you are going to be doctor."
Oh God, my eyes hurt.
My mother sobs.
"That's ten more years. That's a lifetime." I say.
"You have oppurtunities" He snaps..
"Father I have to tell you what I feel" I interrupt
"WHat?!"
"What do you feel?" He shouts.
"I " I start to say
"What! More of this acting buisness?" He interrupts.
I
"I am NOT going to quit my acting!" I shout. It comes out in a rush.
"More dramatics!" My father says. My head is spinning.
He comes up to me.
"No" I shake my head "No Sir"
My father looks at me and then walks away.
My mother gasps. I walk to my father and raise my chin up.
"Im not giving up." I say this time gentle, but firm.
He looks at me. A minute passes, we are both looking at each other straight in the eye.
"Get some sleep" he says, surprising me.
Then
"tomoro we wil discuss this when you have calmed down"
No.
"Father, I want to talk now"
His eyes look hard.
"No you are tired. Your mother is tired." He says in a low voice "Get some sleep or I wont be responsible for my actions"
No I shake my head.
Please. He starts walking away. I grab his arm, clutching at straws.
"You are.." He growls. I feel he is almost going to hit me.
My mother is crying on her chair. I want to go over. But Im stilll holding on to Father.
"I dont want to dispute you or mock you" I say, clutching, with everything to lose. "I.just can't go to miliary school and I cant pretend to be happy there. I can't act like that"
He flinches when I say "act". Like its a dirty word. Then his face turns gentle
And then
"You are out of this house"
My mother lets out a harsh cry. This time I go to her. I stand there with my hand on her arm. Her arm, weak, like a toy's.
"No" Im going mad. "No I am staying" I say.
"Staying" he murmurs
Yes.
"I know you have made sacrifices, I know that" I say "But I, acting means everything to me. I know you dont understand. But I can still act and do all my school work. I'lll continue to get straight A's. I will not let you down."
"Listen to him" My mother, I look down and her face is all wet. "Listen to him" She says, again.
"I can't become what you want but I can make you proud. I can show you that it wasn't all for nothing. What you have done for me, it wasn't all for nothing" A stupid tear slides down my cheek.
"Let me live my life?" I plead. Stupidly.
My father walks over to the fireplace. He turns his back to us. My mother is hugging my arm. I'm still standing in the same position that I was minutes ago.
The clock chimes startling us all.
"It's midnight" My father says, he looks .. "Im going to bed"
He walks towards the door but my mother is still clutching my arm.
We stay in the same postion. My heart is heavy. All is lost.
Footsteps.
Louder.
He's coming back?
"I had packed this for you" My father says, showing a bag in which I can see some paper, a pair of trousers.
"Unpack" He says.
"What?" Mother says loud.
I look at my father. His face..I cant make it out.
Is this happening?
He hands me the bag. I take it.
"Thank you" I whisper as he turns away. He doesn't hear me.
I hear him go upstairs.
I feel my mother breathe against my arm. She stands up and gently kisses my cheek.
"Good night" She says.
She is smiling.
The next morning, Saturday, I hear slight thumping against the window. I wake up. The curtains are open. They were closed last night.
Snow. Snow is falling.
I sit up and climb out of bed. I go to the window. Leaning forward, I press my whole face against the glass.
Its almost half 8. I stand up and start getting ready.
As I walk out of my room and downstairs I notice father standing there.
He places the phone down. Then without a word, he goes into the living area. He takes a newspaper and goes to the kitchen.
He takes a seat at the table.
I carefully sit at the other side.
"I have decided to take the day off" He says
He was supposed to go back to Chicago.
It's Thanksgiving, I think to myself.
I look across. His face is in his newspaper.
Mother hands me a plate and I start eating.
The day goes like this. Occasionally my father says a sentence and goes back to his puzzle or manual. I start to get up, after lunch, I feel like going upstairs.
The door rings.
"Children" My mother says.
She stands up.
"No let me go" I say.
My father shifts his paper away. I look at him but I stand up and walk towards the front door.
I open it.
"Hi"
If someone forced me to speak I couldnt. I could barely breathe. The sight in front of me, it wouldn't let me.
"Hi" She says again.
My angel stands there. I can't take my eyes away. Her face. It's the longest I've been without her since we met.
"Can you talk?"
"Neil.." My dad.
As I start to shut the door, angel grabs my hand, "your room" she whispers.
"Neil.."
"Father..just some children playing pranks"
"Oh" He replies
I walk in the living room and pick up my slippers. He looks at me. I don't look back. I walk up the stairs .I can hear voices. He's talking to mother.
Thank God.
As I enter my room, I walk to my window. I can't believe. Where is she?
I'm looking down and I hear something the other side. I smile. She's at the wrong building.
I knock. She can't hear. I open the window. The wind is strong.
"Here" I say, trying to keep it low.
A moment passes, Then her head turns. For the first time I notice she is not weaing white. Her hair is loose. It's short, framing her face. Her body is small and soft yet somehow fragile. Her jacket, clings to her curves. Her legs..God shes not ..shes wearing some kind of trouser. It fits her PERFECTLY.
She smiles and walks towards me.
She looks at the wall beneath my window and starts laughing. I check no one else is looking. My father's room is on the other side, not facing outside. I open the lower window the one that always remains closed.
"What are you doing!" I say
"God, help me, will you?" she says breathlessy. Shes actually climbing up the wall.! There is a rope attached to the pipe, I notice.
Shes going to fall..
"Hold on" I say I reach my arm down though she is barely half way there.
Shit. I hear a squeak. Her shoes almost slip on the pipe but then she manoevers herself to the wall, gripping the rope.
She climbs up and I reach down lower. She takes my arm, and comes higher up an up towards me. I notice a bruise on her forehead but I concentrate on getting her up and through my window.
"Ouch" she says bumping her back " Im ...I need to work on that" she wheezes as she finally comes inside my room.
I look at her in total wonder.
"Old trick" she smiles, still breathless and stares back at me. Then she goes to the window and closes it.
"Im not too flexible but I found the strength somewhere" She turns towards me and says.
"Keep it down" I say.
And then I kiss her.
She kisses me back, fully.
"Where were you? I say against her face. She places her hand against my chest as if to distance herself.
"I'm sorry I couldn't come" she says "But I have something to tell you."
Slowly, her hand still in mine, she brings me down with her, next to my bed, so we are both sitting on the floor.
"Do you need to close your door?"
"No" i say "its better open."
Angel's point of view.
I see him give me an encouraging smile. I'm trying my hardest to breathe. I took a big chance coming here and just now..I don't even want to think about that.
His hands haven't moved. They are still wrapped around mine as they were a minute ago.
"I've spent the past year coming to terms with my reality" I start. "Last night, it was a confirmation of that. I'm YOUR angel but I used to be my mother's."
I continue,
"Now she's mine."
"She died last year."
I can barely see Neil's face as fresh tears come to my eyes. "I've spent 350 days " I let out a harsh chuckle "just floating on this earth. I was dead, Neil. I couldn't feel, I couldn't cry, I couldn't taste. Then I met you"
God, I feel his hands rub mine and I focus on continuing.
"I saw you in Autumn and ..the truth is I fell in love with you. And you became part of my life. And I wanted to make sure that you weren't my life. I didn't want to burden with you with that. Because, because I know that you are so full of life, so popular, so useful.."
"And I never was." My tears continue "I was so sensitive and I had such a hard time at school and then Mom left..and I couldn't cope. My dad shut himself off. She said once, he's like me, too sensitive. But ..but I wanted to be strong. So I left home to prove that I could make it on my own. I started to study by myself. I used to spy on what you were reading. No one noticed me." I chuckled. "And this time I LIKED that. Because I could see you."
I hear his mouth open. But then after waiting a moment, I start again. His face is slowly coming back to me, "Dad started a search for me. I went home yesterday. He looks..he used to look so full of life but now.. I can't imagine what you are going through but at least your dad is human. Mine's a ghost, half of what he was."
"And so I had to see him and come to terms with my life. I needed to stop running away. He asked me to stay yesterday night"
"What's your name?" Neil interrupts, his voice a whisper.
"It's Anna. Anna Marie Hernandez"
His hand tightens around mine, as if to almost shake it in greeting.
"I saw your mom. In the photo." he continues. "You have her eyes." He smiles, gently.
Yeah.
"How come you saw my photo?" I never kept it out on the table when I expected "company"
"I went to your room at Welton, when you weren't there. Which, someone else is staying in now."
"Yeah."
"So i saw your photo. You had written mom on it and 1931."
1931?
I take out the photo. I always keep it with me.
"Turn it over" Neil says.
God I forgot I wrote that, I haven't seen that for years!
"I think that was the year she met my dad" I recall. "The happiest year of her life. She said 2nd to the year I was born but I knew. She told me she was young and beautiful then. And I could see how much that meant to her, to be in the limelight. She..then..then they starting fighting and he said it was his fault but I remember her ..she had a temper. On him, only. She was only honest and sweet to me. She used to be an actress and they met during her play and he said" ..What did he say to her?.. "bright lights shine from your eyes" I smile. He was the romantic. O.oddly enough. "And she said they fell in love. When we took that photo, she told me that story and her eyes..they were glowing, her whole face came alive. She always had pale skin, like mine but whiter, but at that moment she looked like.." (an angel)
"And she said she didn't ever want to forget. So i wrote it down, to remind her of the story"
"I kept it with me, after she died. When I left home, it was my only tie to the past."
"I threw out everything else. All my clothes, even. I wanted to leave school and start work. Working as anything just to get away from home and her memory. But I would always look at that photo. Even after my shift in Montreal I would come back to the lonely hut I was staying in and stare at it. Wondering how she could have gone. Why? She was always healthy. Physically. Pale but healthy."
"Did you move to Vermont?" Neil asks, his whole body feels like it's wrapped around mine, his legs are folded, his knees gently resting on top of mine.
"Yeah. I found out about Summer Stock but I couldn't get work there and then I heard about Welton Academy and Henley Hall. I wanted to earn something working behind the stage. Cleaning, doing anything, move onto lights" I laugh "And I realised it was too far and dangerous for me to commute. I didn't have any money and someone told me about an empty room at Welton Academy. And I chanced it. I've been staying there for the last month. Hoping I wouldn't get caught"
"You were hiding" Neil says, gently.
"I was used to it" I reply. "I had been hiding for the past year"
"I saw you and then .." "Well the past few days, I quit my job at Henley Hall and decided to go and see my dad. I had heard he was worried. He had even put something in the newspaper. I only heard about it but I didn't want to risk it in case they had my picture so I quit, and decided to go back to Daddy"
"I wanted so much to see you yesterday"
"It's ok." He says. "I would have understood"
"How were you by the way? How did it go?"
He sighs. "Good. Very good"
After a moment I continue,
"Well, so I handed in my key and left the night before yesterday"
"How did you find me?" He asks.
At your house? "I have good contacts." I say. Well one good contact. "Henley Hall is the place. And you have quite a reputation a Welton."
"Oh yeah" He looks embarrassed "I'm a nerd."
"No you're perfect. The kind of boy I always dreamed would notice me but knew never would."
Neil.
She smiles so sadly when she says that. "Anna. "I say savouring it on my tongue, "angel" is a pretty but her real name is even prettier. "You don't know me. I would have noticed you. You knocked me out when I first saw you. I was blinded." I laugh remembering her beauty.
She laughs, gorgeous and stunning, and that's just the sound. "Yeah my gown was..divine" She mocks.
"I thought so." I mean it.
"You're the prettiest girl I've ever seen" I say and feel like a heel afterwards.
But she doesn't laugh. Instead her beautiful brown eyes go soft and large.
For the last minute we forget everything, reality, and just remember the heaven we were in together. We ARE in, hopefully.
"Do you still want to see me?" She asks.
"Of course" Are you kidding? "I'm in love with you" I say. I am. I know it's love. Some things you just know.
"Really? Me?" She replies.
I smile and sigh.
She raises her eyebrows and bites her lower lip. I've never seen her do that, another part of her I never knew.
"I'm so sorry about your mom" I say.
"Thank you" She says. "I ..i don't want you to feel sorry for me though"
"I don't. I just care for you, I don't like to see you hurt."
For a second, her eyes glow.
"Yeah" she chokes out "Well, I'm not ignoring it, the pain, you know?" "How would you know?" She smiles, as though she has said something stupid.
I smile back. I don't want to start my own story. I slept without waking up in between but the thoughts were still there, fragments of my earlier dreams.
"Your father" she says, remembering "What happened?"
I knew she would ask me. "I don't ..I don't know" I don't like this conversation. I don't want her to see me weak. I'm always making an idiot of myself in front of her.
She rubs my hand, mimicking my earlier movement and I look up, she has an almost naughty smile to her face. As if..so strange, considering our situations.
"Well tomoro Im going back to Welton." I start "He said he's driving me there and I guess it's back to school as usual" "Usual" (that word), I think to myself.
"And acting?" She asks
"I think so. He..I.. told him..you know Mr Keating?" "Well I told him what I told Keating. That I can't act in real life. He told me to leave home, my father, and I said I wouldn't and I fought, I really fought him. And then I don't understand. He hasn't said much all day."
"I think it's a good sign."
"Really" I shake my head, no.
"I don't know him but it looks that way" She says.
"You know I never would have thought YOU unsure of yourself Mr Perry" she suddenly teases.
I frown. "I..I don't know what you've heard about me"
"Oh only good things. Mr Popular"
Oh God.
She laughs.
"Well I think it will take time" She says "Don't give up. Keep fighting"
"I will" I say. She doesn't know the half of it but she's probably right about fighting.
I look at her and she looks so beautiful that I can't help it and I smile back.
"Oh..I wanted to give you my address" She hands out a paper "and we don't have a phone because Daddy disconnected the line it but I'll call you from work, when I get a new job, I hope"
I smile. "You will" I say.
"I don't know maybe they'll take pity on me" She mocks. Yeah, this is definitely a new side I'm seeing to her.
"Happy Thanksgiving" I say.
"You too" She looks almost sad and then she smiles, again. When she smiles, I get this feeling, everything is going to be okay.
"I wish you could stay"
"It's ok I have to go back to my dad soon so..I should ...I should go"
"Anna?"
"Yeah?"
"Will you see me soon?"
"Yeah. I'll come to you. At the hall."
"I'm not acting until next year."
"Oh, well maybe I can visit your dorm room"
"I have a room mate"
"Oh."
"The cave" She says. Finally it dawns on her.
I kiss her as my answer.
"I don't think I'm pregnant" she startles me "but I'm going to see a nurse to check it up"
"How do you know? Do you want me to come?"
"No. No, I'll be okay"
"I'll stand by you"
"I...I wouldn't want to hold you back"
"From what?"
"Acting"
"Acting. Acting is acting. Life is life. I love you. More than acting"
She looks unsure. She sees my Puck crown out of the corner of her eye.
"I do" I say. It doesn't make sense but I want to prove it to her.
"Your dad?" She whispers.
"I mean mine wont exactly be happy but he'll.." She finds her voice.
"I don't know. Maybe he would be happy" She continues
"I should go" She says.
I see the uncertainty in her face and I stand up and take her with me. She gasps. I take her face in between my hands and kiss her soundly. She is kissing me back and with everything I have, I gently push her against the window sill . She moans. She opens her eyes, startled, and I just smile against her mouth and take advantage again. For a minute, I am lost in her. My body settles in to hers more and I feel myself stirring. With a jolt, I suddenly come to my senses.
She really should go. I break away from her. And she looks almost cross.
"How will you get down?" I ask.
"Same way I got up"
"It's not safe" I think of something. "Come with me, go out the main door but do exactly as I say"
"Neil.."
"Ssh.." I know I'm testing her patience but I take her with me and motion to her to stay at the top of the stairs and then I walk down ..
"Neil?"
"Father I need some air"
"Are you alright?" His voice is stern.
"Yes " I reply.
I open the door. Then I motion to her to come down quietly. I stand in the entrance of the living room.
Faster, I motion, trying to keep it subtle. She's scared she'll make a noise.
I nod, encouraging her.
I see her on the last step and I smile at her but her eyes are concentrating on ahead.
I look towards the main door, hoping she turns her eyes to me even though I am not able to look at her.
As she walks very gently and quietly past me, I make sure my body blocks the sight of her.
Then, I feel a finger against my lower back, I smile.
She runs out. I sigh.
Soon, soon I will see her. I smile again.
Then I remember my father.
I close the door and take a seat in the living room.
I can only imagine what she looked like as she ran out.
I can only imagine until I see her again.
These are the things we stay alive for. Seize the day. Fight for it. Today is beautiful and now I know that I must keep the beauty of today safe until the day I see her again.
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