Hair.

I know it's a little pretentious of me but yes, I love the Mona Lisa painting, her expression and her face.

Sometimes I feel that different things about a woman's appearance would take so long to discuss that they should be done seperately. I'm not into black and white. I've been around enough to know that appearance is important and that an attitude of like it or lump it is not doing yourselves any favours says the patronising auntie that is me. I've been in the like or lump it situations and for me it wasn't about acceptance, it was the fact I was hurting. It does seem women are lumped into two categories; beautiful, skinny and long hair. The other category being alternative.

I honestly only until this year thought about hair the way other women do. Up till then, I have always wanted to play with my hair. In terms of length, I once told a hairdresser, ideally I'd have my hair down to my ass. The more hair I have, the more styles I can get it in, it's fun and silly and great. But the longest I ever got to was just touching my shoulders. I wanted to hack my hair off. It's not this natural long flowing thing, it's slightly coarse mixed with fly aways, shiny and thick except it looks flat without the aid of a hairdryer and round brush. It doesn't obey any of the rules, the back of my hair grows longer than the sides, which starts resembling mumsy mullet as opposed to ooh your hair is growing long. I'm not complaining. What if I didn't have hair? What if i had to go out in the world faced with what women who are bald or losing hair are faced with? I know how people work. I know that if someone makes a bad comment about you it doesn't make you feel good no matter how much bravado you put on. You can rise above it. But the way people are, the way society is, the fuckers that are the media, print a picture of a bald woman and you'll get people clicking on it posting things you can already guess. And I'll click to see what they're saying..and then I think, why? Why did I waste my time on what I already knew these so called people would say?

I never equated femininity with hair in the past. I sort of only thought about faces. A short hair cut made me look prettier, that's why I've mostly always had it bob length. I got bored and thought about going super short or "fantasised" about growing it shoulder length and having some good layering going on. I never thought about my body too that much. Only until I started doing excersises that surprised me. They worked. For me it's about taking chances, exploring, yes this superficial, I'm not a spoilt brat, I know that I am very lucky in terms of health, lifestyle and desires, but I also think was I living in a coma before? I read all the stuff on the internet, the magazines which I've purposely stopped buying now, decades ago, only until I really thought about myself, did I see my potential. And that potential is not to be society's version of anything. It's to be the person who I value's best. That person is me and my Master owns me.

So don't think about what suits you. Think about doing. If I'm being something I am not according to someone else, then it's too bad they can't see all the different sides to me.

I posted some comments below following a mini sort of discussion between myself and someone who I shall keep anon cos I haven't asked their permission! I thought what they said was worth posting here.

Anon; Not buying women's magazines is one of the best things you can do for yourself as a woman. I seriously believe that. But you're right. It's good to be creative with your looks. it's not superficial. It's part of yourself. Your whole self. There's nothing wrong with this. Or makeup. It's the way we are manipulated to believe it is everything that is the problem.

Me; I completely agree. There is so much manipulation from media, society and im sorry to say people who i thought would know better- friends, family, not my family but women who have had daughters , youd think they would know better than posting a rude comment on a website saying "some girl is supposed to be fat and why is she trying to be skinny?" thats just one example.

Anon; Yes. The whole body image thing is fucked up. People don't know how to behave any more. Because a lot of people take their ideas from the media. And the media is now giving mixed messages.

Me; So true. I just hope some of those arseholes get their just deserts.

*starts chanting*