but problems stem from them and I have to talk about on here because when I do with them, we never make any progress. One is so set their ways and the other is so anti conflict and wants to keep the peace, they snap at people but they stand in the way. Part of it with everyone is an ego thing. I obviously have one too but my experiences have made me lose that I think, compared to them.
I may as well get straight to the point. One person ruined our morning. Their shouting and their impatience doesn't help me who wakes up at 7 regardless of what time I sleep and despite their shouting being the loudest, lack of communication makes things worse. The problem is that whilst the non conflict person is an angel to the outside world unintentionally, I am not. Even when I was young, it was don't give ....a hard time. And outside, people are always civil to shouter and it's because they turn on the charm. I don't but I smile a lot, that does nothing for other people's repulsion to me. Never mind being misunderstood, understatement, by outside, I'm misunderstood, again understatement, inside as well.
I had an operation whe I was young and since then have been left with a long faintish scar down my body. I'm am completely cool with it and if someone stares, I don't give a shit because if boob jobs, botox and hair extensions are okay, then so is a strange bit of skin on skin and at least I'm not a fake. Anyway, shouter insists I cover it up which means I can't wear low cut tops. No vest tops. No pretty lace tops. My wardrobe consists of t shirts and practical although pretty tops. That's not me. So not only have I got this image of a good girl which I hate because that's not who I am inside, not because I am who I am inside to rebel so no easy Freud analysis bullshit thanks, I have one of those faces that gets to people anyway. It's like fuck off and leave me alone. But they won't, so I have to deal with that. Where in myself do I find the capacity to deal with shouter and HER bullshit..which gets to the others? It's not about fair, I mean fair went out the window 20 years ago or whatever, when it comes to the world outside and inside, I just don't always have the strength to deal with this. The only time I do, I'm inside and no one is there, so when I'm alone.
I have explained things to people including my family and I have told them off, but they just won't take it on board and I get talked over even when I talk over them talking over me-this is not just my family. The cliche is I don't have a voice, in a lot of senses of the word if that makes sense, I shouldn't exist, and if I do, it should be on their (the other person's) terms. So I feel used like I was blogging a week ago. It's not that everything has come on top of each other and in a few days time I won't be stressed, I'm not stressed because I'm used to all this,all of this, it's the fact I have to blog about it. This is my friend who listens and doesn't interrupt.
Monday, 31 May 2010
Saturday, 29 May 2010
Peversions, Sidibe, Glee and self.
We're the Wuzzles, yeah baby. Aha.
So, I was in one of the great British stores today, sarc, and as with many of these, you have poor women trying to buy something, I say poor because if they're anything like me there comes a time you do need a pair of jeans or some shoes that you can actually walk in and not have a blister plaster on each toe, and you're gonna have to haul ass to the store and look long and hard to find such things. Lunches will be missed and toilet trips lessened. There's so many men, the majority who from the ages of 20 to 80 do nothing but gawp at young women whilst their wives come from the changing room not long later. The young women of their attention are mostly tanned, tall, and that whole perky, lithe youth mixed with some high maintenance, as a woman I know what goes into another woman, I'm surprised at the way men can't see make up on another woman to the extent we can, it doesn't take a genius, it's not the sun nor morning dew. A part of me looks at the woman of their attention, ready with a phone sex script in mind, and the rest feels bad for their wives. It's disrespectful and cruel. I know, I know, we're really animals blah blah blah, we look at stuff we find attractive blah blah blah, pretty things, blah blah blah and I know women ogle too but as someone who people watches, I've seen mostly these men do it. Sigh. SAD.
I have to wonder are they perverted or not really so? Are they just keeping in touch with their sexuality or do they need to look at someone a lot younger than them to get in touch with their sexuality?
It made me think of myself. I don't want to be the woman who comes out the changing room. Even if I don't know my husband's looked at a much younger woman, a woman young enough to be his daughter, it's not the age difference thing it's the fact it's a young woman. Fidelity is a seperate issue.
I read a message from a friend and got thinking about love and sexuality. Well, actually more love and me. Sexuality is a big part of who I am and I think I'd rather just be around me and that, than linked to someone else. It's not that I can't trust, now that I've thought about it, it's that I'm not used to being treated very nice by men who prefer showy females, and I'm always getting in their path for some reason, they won't leave me alone.
ANYWAY, Glee has made me quite confident. It really is about the old cliche of being yourself and not being afraid or repulsed by it no matter if other's are. It helped me today at a restaurant.
I also as a last note just wanted to say that Gabourey Sidibe rocks so much. She is seriously so funny, hitting on all these actors and just saying oh I hit on him for a full 8 minutes. LOL. My kind of woman, really going for it. People can say their bullshit about her, about Glee, delusions, whatever, I've heard the chestnuts, you don't know how someone ELSE feels.
So, I was in one of the great British stores today, sarc, and as with many of these, you have poor women trying to buy something, I say poor because if they're anything like me there comes a time you do need a pair of jeans or some shoes that you can actually walk in and not have a blister plaster on each toe, and you're gonna have to haul ass to the store and look long and hard to find such things. Lunches will be missed and toilet trips lessened. There's so many men, the majority who from the ages of 20 to 80 do nothing but gawp at young women whilst their wives come from the changing room not long later. The young women of their attention are mostly tanned, tall, and that whole perky, lithe youth mixed with some high maintenance, as a woman I know what goes into another woman, I'm surprised at the way men can't see make up on another woman to the extent we can, it doesn't take a genius, it's not the sun nor morning dew. A part of me looks at the woman of their attention, ready with a phone sex script in mind, and the rest feels bad for their wives. It's disrespectful and cruel. I know, I know, we're really animals blah blah blah, we look at stuff we find attractive blah blah blah, pretty things, blah blah blah and I know women ogle too but as someone who people watches, I've seen mostly these men do it. Sigh. SAD.
I have to wonder are they perverted or not really so? Are they just keeping in touch with their sexuality or do they need to look at someone a lot younger than them to get in touch with their sexuality?
It made me think of myself. I don't want to be the woman who comes out the changing room. Even if I don't know my husband's looked at a much younger woman, a woman young enough to be his daughter, it's not the age difference thing it's the fact it's a young woman. Fidelity is a seperate issue.
I read a message from a friend and got thinking about love and sexuality. Well, actually more love and me. Sexuality is a big part of who I am and I think I'd rather just be around me and that, than linked to someone else. It's not that I can't trust, now that I've thought about it, it's that I'm not used to being treated very nice by men who prefer showy females, and I'm always getting in their path for some reason, they won't leave me alone.
ANYWAY, Glee has made me quite confident. It really is about the old cliche of being yourself and not being afraid or repulsed by it no matter if other's are. It helped me today at a restaurant.
I also as a last note just wanted to say that Gabourey Sidibe rocks so much. She is seriously so funny, hitting on all these actors and just saying oh I hit on him for a full 8 minutes. LOL. My kind of woman, really going for it. People can say their bullshit about her, about Glee, delusions, whatever, I've heard the chestnuts, you don't know how someone ELSE feels.
Thursday, 27 May 2010
I'm not mocking beauty, I just want to be free, know what I mean?
"I saw this woman with a haggard old face and she skipped over the puddles of rain and laughed like she was five." I just came out with that crap. But it sounds like something a male in the mob majority would say or a woman without compassion and warmth. Warmth that isn't just reserved for the hot stuff referring to both people and objects in society.
I always go back to that time when I was 4, just wishing I were male, not in a I'm having an op way, but in a they have so much freedom when it comes to certain things that must surely rock way. I'm not saying they don't have appearance issues but beauty is more linked to femininity and women. God, have you ever even heard beauty not linked to femininity? A woman without beauty must surely not be feminine according to some.
I was reading a friends's blog post and I have some answers to her questions. These answers are mine, they apply to me,this is what I see when I see me. I'm not mocking beauty, I just want to be free, know what I mean? I don't want to hear anything of the you're beautiful or you don't have any problems or you have one problem, here cover it up. I don't want to hear any of that. If you don't get this blog post, you don't deserve to know me, quite frankly.
"Look at the reflection in the mirror. What do you see?"
What's even my true image anymore? Mirrors vary so much. But I see sometimes big, sometimes small dark eyes, sad even when I'm happy. They're just shaped like that, of course according to society I must have sadness inside. Society knows you more than you, remember kids! I do hope the sarcasm translates.
"Do you see yourself or just your image?"
I've started to see me. I look in my eyes, at them, more.
"Do you see who you are or what you portray?"
More who I am, nowadays.
"What do you see when you look in those eyes? Do you see truth and beauty or ugliness and lies? Is that a sparkle or just tears waiting to fall?"
I see truth. Just truth, they're honest eyes. Shaped like I don't always feel but inside when you REALLY look, they're honest.
"Do you love this person? Really love them? Would you give up everything and anything so they could be happy?"
Yes.
"Would you be friends with them?"
Yes though sometimes the hate that comes from others comes from me to me. I don't give them that power much anymore.
"Are you holding the mirror up for yourself or is someone holding it for you?"
BLOODY GOOD QUESTION!
"Are you being forced to see the truth so you can honestly change and make a difference? Or is someone cramming it down your throat and trying to mold you into what they want?"
Yes they do try, they will NEVER succeed though. I wanted to look like a french girl when I was young, all earthy looking, but I hear earthy takes hair straightners too.
"When you look in that mirror, do you see what others see or do you see your perception of what you think you’re seeing? Can you look into the reflection’s eyes and honestly say, “I love you.” and know you actually mean it? Do you see someone you wish didn’t exist? Do you want to cause harm or only love this person? Do you want to take them in your arms and tell them everything will be alright? Or do you just not care what happens? Put them out of their misery! Or do you see and feel everything .."
This is all kind of new to me, I haven't thought about it that much, I can walk around naked but looking in the mirror, really looking, and asking all of the above, I can so far, no I can't honestly say I love you..just yet because I'm only half a person at this point in my life, so MUCH i need to get out of me, I don't want to harm myself, I think everything won't be alright but I'l take me into my arms any day of the week, I love myself, I just don't lust myself, I don't want to kill myself though I have sometimes been on that brink in the past. I think i DO care. Gosh, excellent post Liz, I just haven't thought about this all to yet, because no matter how comfortable I am with myself, I just don't want to look at myself in the mirror to this extent, now the reason for that isn't too obvious because if it were I'd blog it.
I always go back to that time when I was 4, just wishing I were male, not in a I'm having an op way, but in a they have so much freedom when it comes to certain things that must surely rock way. I'm not saying they don't have appearance issues but beauty is more linked to femininity and women. God, have you ever even heard beauty not linked to femininity? A woman without beauty must surely not be feminine according to some.
I was reading a friends's blog post and I have some answers to her questions. These answers are mine, they apply to me,this is what I see when I see me. I'm not mocking beauty, I just want to be free, know what I mean? I don't want to hear anything of the you're beautiful or you don't have any problems or you have one problem, here cover it up. I don't want to hear any of that. If you don't get this blog post, you don't deserve to know me, quite frankly.
"Look at the reflection in the mirror. What do you see?"
What's even my true image anymore? Mirrors vary so much. But I see sometimes big, sometimes small dark eyes, sad even when I'm happy. They're just shaped like that, of course according to society I must have sadness inside. Society knows you more than you, remember kids! I do hope the sarcasm translates.
"Do you see yourself or just your image?"
I've started to see me. I look in my eyes, at them, more.
"Do you see who you are or what you portray?"
More who I am, nowadays.
"What do you see when you look in those eyes? Do you see truth and beauty or ugliness and lies? Is that a sparkle or just tears waiting to fall?"
I see truth. Just truth, they're honest eyes. Shaped like I don't always feel but inside when you REALLY look, they're honest.
"Do you love this person? Really love them? Would you give up everything and anything so they could be happy?"
Yes.
"Would you be friends with them?"
Yes though sometimes the hate that comes from others comes from me to me. I don't give them that power much anymore.
"Are you holding the mirror up for yourself or is someone holding it for you?"
BLOODY GOOD QUESTION!
"Are you being forced to see the truth so you can honestly change and make a difference? Or is someone cramming it down your throat and trying to mold you into what they want?"
Yes they do try, they will NEVER succeed though. I wanted to look like a french girl when I was young, all earthy looking, but I hear earthy takes hair straightners too.
"When you look in that mirror, do you see what others see or do you see your perception of what you think you’re seeing? Can you look into the reflection’s eyes and honestly say, “I love you.” and know you actually mean it? Do you see someone you wish didn’t exist? Do you want to cause harm or only love this person? Do you want to take them in your arms and tell them everything will be alright? Or do you just not care what happens? Put them out of their misery! Or do you see and feel everything .."
This is all kind of new to me, I haven't thought about it that much, I can walk around naked but looking in the mirror, really looking, and asking all of the above, I can so far, no I can't honestly say I love you..just yet because I'm only half a person at this point in my life, so MUCH i need to get out of me, I don't want to harm myself, I think everything won't be alright but I'l take me into my arms any day of the week, I love myself, I just don't lust myself, I don't want to kill myself though I have sometimes been on that brink in the past. I think i DO care. Gosh, excellent post Liz, I just haven't thought about this all to yet, because no matter how comfortable I am with myself, I just don't want to look at myself in the mirror to this extent, now the reason for that isn't too obvious because if it were I'd blog it.
Sunday, 23 May 2010
Ever feel like you've been used?
I woke up today and I guess the sun really makes the morons come out, but it wasn't just a couple of bad experiences, it was early this morning after sleeping, when I didn't feel good. I know everyone has their obstacles but you shouldn't have to have them just on a trip out, I feel used by a lot of people. I have to be frank, I feel used by my parents too. I had to stop crying with the bad feelings I had this morning, knowing that now my sleep was ruined, but what stopped is the simple fact tears won't change a thing in my situation. I want to be able to move forward with this but at the same time I need closure too. Lack of it makes you feel restless and there's nothing you can do when you feel that way.
Tuesday, 18 May 2010
To quote Ellen Page, "Stop. Just stop."
So I'm watching this movie which I KNEW would be blah and argh! Baby talk behind, it's called Queen Sized and it stars Nikki Blonsky (star of the new Hairspray) as a girl who's not just a loser or geek at her school but as she says, the fat girl and that losers or geeks get ignored, she however gets looked at and people make up their minds then and there, she's of no worth.
You can see why that would be argh for me. I know what that's like. For me, it was about everything, the weight wasn't the highest, the height wasn't the shortest, skin wasn't the brownest, it was a combination of these things and my school clothes as well as other clothes. Like nothing was right, and even now, outside cyberspace, I can't do anything right in the eyes of others. I do get sneaky glances at my shoes though, one pair is showy and it goes to show how high people's standards are. But then the person with the average wage is making themselves look like a Cheryl Cole, or a WAG. Dark skin and light brown hair makes them the queens of society. Yes more like the queens, if you know what I mean, drama, drama, drama.
I stopped caring about their drama. It's still going to affect you, after all I'm human and I'm sensitive but I'm not hurting over them and I have a good opinion about myself. Once upon a time I would be in tears watching Queen Sized, today I can at least watch it.
So Nikki's character actually accidentally gets in the running for Home Coming Queen and it's accidentally because these girls who are always picking on her and making her daily life HELL, take a photo of her of course whilst she's trying to get some chow, what the fuck girl has to eat, bloody hell, and they over hear her talking to her friend about Home Coming Queen.
It's the small things in this movie that got to me to some extent. I mean, there are these girls and women who pick on you and they're not outcasts in society whom will also pick on you, it's all so absurd and doesn't make sense. So anyone saying it's jealousy has it wrong, these people just WANT to ruin someone's life. I believe they may have human envy and they just can't see anyone else who doesn't fit into their boxes. But a word for them regardless of their bullshit; intolerant. They're like racists. They MAY have insecurities in the general sense and also that you have something they find in themselves, but I'm sick of this jealousy crap, the fact is they just want to make your life hell. So, you need to rise above them not because of "jealousy" or "insecurity," but because you don't go to war with someone. I've learned that, just break free, just go away or keep them at distance as much as they claw onto you like the wicked bitch of the east, west, north and south, you just be the adult one here. Forget revenge, I'm sorry but life is too short for that. I don't want to be enemies with someone who's not even worthy to be my enemy. If I repulse someone, or annoy someone or affect someone in any way, that's THEIR issue.
You ever watch that movie Napoleon Dynamite? This guy always pushes him hard into a locker and it's fucking physical abuse never mind the comedy but my God, he could break his bones, but Napoleon doesn't get his own back, what he does is achieve things. He's focused. You can be as focused as you try but someone is always going to try and bring you down in whatever way. What they should be teaching us in these little crappy 5 minute talks they're calling counselling sessions in some schools, is that school is a bubble but so is any work environment and bullies are everywhere. They should be telling you how to be strong and why you need to be. I can say after 25 years, only now can I say this, you need to be strong because that is the only way you can achieve anything.
So the small things in Queen Sized are when it wasn't some bitchy queen picking on Nikki's character, it's a boy who will moo at her because he's has a phallus on his face and then has the gall to be with his friend as he asks Nikki's friend out and then gives Nikki's character such a look when not even that she may be coming to the party too, but when it's like a second of a question that hasn't even been fully formed. In those seconds, it's ignoring, it's no respect, it's worthlessness, it's ridicule, humilation and also unecessary and devoid of any humanity. I don't care how much you want to get laid, this extreme behaviour to me. Yet it exists. I know people are like that in school, it's NOT exaggerated.
Stop, just STOP with the neat little tie ups and the boxes, don't live your life according to cliche, and forget that someone who looks at someone else who never hurt them as though they're worthless is worthless themselves, just live your life period. Walk on by, hold your head high and if you want to become homecoming queen, I don't see it as saying that's a goal, I see it as an experience. It's not about saying the popular kids and little cheerleaders have it better than you, it's about just doing something because why the heck not?!
Alright, I'm going back to my movie. If the fault with the link is repaired, you can expect to hear more from me about it.
I've been there, I've said okay no eating, starving myself, enjoying the pain I got from that and feeling so, so guilty should a slice of weight watchers pizza cross my lips even if I've worked out like a maniac, WHY? To silence or impress others? Are you kidding? I can't ever do that, it's either too big or too small with me. That's okay. I find saying whatever, man actually pretty damned accurate to how I feel. I was born short limbed, round faced and soft, small waisted clearly that is intolerable on me and clearly the waist is never noticed but when some JLo has an ass, how silly of me, that's sexy. It's all about those neat little boxes, she's tan, she's "fit", "hot" so the ass meat is okay on her. How fabulously demented this society we occupy is and notice how things are taken so negatively. I think for example she has this, but they think she, as in I, don't have this. (By the way I don't care about it's all in your head responses, KNOW me, READ my blog). If someone is compared to someone they portray on screen, people will latch on to the negativity. She's compared to a drama queen, so she is one, not that the drama queen happens to be passionate, oh no she's JUST a drama queen. Little boxes, pretty, neat little boxes. Passion confused with anger, matter of fact confused with insult.
I don't want adulation, I just want to be left the FUCK alone. But I won't and there will always be my favourite specimen of fellow Indian girl who will just have a big problem with me, watching me like this one was today with her male in whatever sense companion and it's like wow hostile, claustrophobic, but what exactly did she gain out of that? To me? No skin of my nose, I'll blog about it and I'm done thinking about it, but she got a minute joy and or misery from me? How ridiculous she is. To make someone into something like that, and if you look at someone you don't even know for that amount of time makes you as ridiculous as the funkiest smelling shit. I repeat, passion confused with anger, matter of fact confused with insult. There's "people watching" as the term goes and then there's intolerance.
So my truth maybe be different to what you go through but don't solve a negative with a negative, just LIVE. You have to try and just get on with life and be inspired and have love, you know, I'm going to bring up a baby, not because I want the husband and the children and the home, but because even with my people fear which is understandable, I'm maternal, funny the bullies didn't really ruin my life, because THAT hasn't changed.
You can see why that would be argh for me. I know what that's like. For me, it was about everything, the weight wasn't the highest, the height wasn't the shortest, skin wasn't the brownest, it was a combination of these things and my school clothes as well as other clothes. Like nothing was right, and even now, outside cyberspace, I can't do anything right in the eyes of others. I do get sneaky glances at my shoes though, one pair is showy and it goes to show how high people's standards are. But then the person with the average wage is making themselves look like a Cheryl Cole, or a WAG. Dark skin and light brown hair makes them the queens of society. Yes more like the queens, if you know what I mean, drama, drama, drama.
I stopped caring about their drama. It's still going to affect you, after all I'm human and I'm sensitive but I'm not hurting over them and I have a good opinion about myself. Once upon a time I would be in tears watching Queen Sized, today I can at least watch it.
So Nikki's character actually accidentally gets in the running for Home Coming Queen and it's accidentally because these girls who are always picking on her and making her daily life HELL, take a photo of her of course whilst she's trying to get some chow, what the fuck girl has to eat, bloody hell, and they over hear her talking to her friend about Home Coming Queen.
It's the small things in this movie that got to me to some extent. I mean, there are these girls and women who pick on you and they're not outcasts in society whom will also pick on you, it's all so absurd and doesn't make sense. So anyone saying it's jealousy has it wrong, these people just WANT to ruin someone's life. I believe they may have human envy and they just can't see anyone else who doesn't fit into their boxes. But a word for them regardless of their bullshit; intolerant. They're like racists. They MAY have insecurities in the general sense and also that you have something they find in themselves, but I'm sick of this jealousy crap, the fact is they just want to make your life hell. So, you need to rise above them not because of "jealousy" or "insecurity," but because you don't go to war with someone. I've learned that, just break free, just go away or keep them at distance as much as they claw onto you like the wicked bitch of the east, west, north and south, you just be the adult one here. Forget revenge, I'm sorry but life is too short for that. I don't want to be enemies with someone who's not even worthy to be my enemy. If I repulse someone, or annoy someone or affect someone in any way, that's THEIR issue.
You ever watch that movie Napoleon Dynamite? This guy always pushes him hard into a locker and it's fucking physical abuse never mind the comedy but my God, he could break his bones, but Napoleon doesn't get his own back, what he does is achieve things. He's focused. You can be as focused as you try but someone is always going to try and bring you down in whatever way. What they should be teaching us in these little crappy 5 minute talks they're calling counselling sessions in some schools, is that school is a bubble but so is any work environment and bullies are everywhere. They should be telling you how to be strong and why you need to be. I can say after 25 years, only now can I say this, you need to be strong because that is the only way you can achieve anything.
So the small things in Queen Sized are when it wasn't some bitchy queen picking on Nikki's character, it's a boy who will moo at her because he's has a phallus on his face and then has the gall to be with his friend as he asks Nikki's friend out and then gives Nikki's character such a look when not even that she may be coming to the party too, but when it's like a second of a question that hasn't even been fully formed. In those seconds, it's ignoring, it's no respect, it's worthlessness, it's ridicule, humilation and also unecessary and devoid of any humanity. I don't care how much you want to get laid, this extreme behaviour to me. Yet it exists. I know people are like that in school, it's NOT exaggerated.
Stop, just STOP with the neat little tie ups and the boxes, don't live your life according to cliche, and forget that someone who looks at someone else who never hurt them as though they're worthless is worthless themselves, just live your life period. Walk on by, hold your head high and if you want to become homecoming queen, I don't see it as saying that's a goal, I see it as an experience. It's not about saying the popular kids and little cheerleaders have it better than you, it's about just doing something because why the heck not?!
Alright, I'm going back to my movie. If the fault with the link is repaired, you can expect to hear more from me about it.
I've been there, I've said okay no eating, starving myself, enjoying the pain I got from that and feeling so, so guilty should a slice of weight watchers pizza cross my lips even if I've worked out like a maniac, WHY? To silence or impress others? Are you kidding? I can't ever do that, it's either too big or too small with me. That's okay. I find saying whatever, man actually pretty damned accurate to how I feel. I was born short limbed, round faced and soft, small waisted clearly that is intolerable on me and clearly the waist is never noticed but when some JLo has an ass, how silly of me, that's sexy. It's all about those neat little boxes, she's tan, she's "fit", "hot" so the ass meat is okay on her. How fabulously demented this society we occupy is and notice how things are taken so negatively. I think for example she has this, but they think she, as in I, don't have this. (By the way I don't care about it's all in your head responses, KNOW me, READ my blog). If someone is compared to someone they portray on screen, people will latch on to the negativity. She's compared to a drama queen, so she is one, not that the drama queen happens to be passionate, oh no she's JUST a drama queen. Little boxes, pretty, neat little boxes. Passion confused with anger, matter of fact confused with insult.
I don't want adulation, I just want to be left the FUCK alone. But I won't and there will always be my favourite specimen of fellow Indian girl who will just have a big problem with me, watching me like this one was today with her male in whatever sense companion and it's like wow hostile, claustrophobic, but what exactly did she gain out of that? To me? No skin of my nose, I'll blog about it and I'm done thinking about it, but she got a minute joy and or misery from me? How ridiculous she is. To make someone into something like that, and if you look at someone you don't even know for that amount of time makes you as ridiculous as the funkiest smelling shit. I repeat, passion confused with anger, matter of fact confused with insult. There's "people watching" as the term goes and then there's intolerance.
So my truth maybe be different to what you go through but don't solve a negative with a negative, just LIVE. You have to try and just get on with life and be inspired and have love, you know, I'm going to bring up a baby, not because I want the husband and the children and the home, but because even with my people fear which is understandable, I'm maternal, funny the bullies didn't really ruin my life, because THAT hasn't changed.
Just a quickie.
I deplore people who make a sexual innuendo out of anything..honestly..*sigh*
*does Todd- Scrubs shrug*
A conclusion has been drawn, a dawning has occured. The world is bat shit crazy. I'm bat shit crazy but I'm not hostile.
Those two sentences need no more explanation or further conclusions, other than it's better to enjoy life and draw the hearts and smiles, be a happy loser!
*does Todd- Scrubs shrug*
A conclusion has been drawn, a dawning has occured. The world is bat shit crazy. I'm bat shit crazy but I'm not hostile.
Those two sentences need no more explanation or further conclusions, other than it's better to enjoy life and draw the hearts and smiles, be a happy loser!
Sunday, 16 May 2010
I read this on msn.
I have something to say about it so for each reason, I've typed what I have to say.
32 surprising reasons men call it quits
By Jane Hoskyn
“It’s easier for girls,” so the saying goes – because it’s supposedly much easier to catch and keep a man than it is to pull a woman. Oh yeah? Tell that to the woman who’s just been dumped on the grounds that she has a strange toenail, or because she bought a pink phone.
The truth is that men are far pickier than their reputation suggests. The gents themselves often don’t even know what turns them off a girl who, just a fortnight before, could seem to do no wrong.
We asked a group of men to explain why they’d given their girls the elbow, and here’s what they told us. Fasten your seatbelts, ladies.
1. “I was on the phone to a girl I’d been seeing for a few weeks. We got into a disagreement about something trivial, and she hung up on me. I was furious – it was like she’d hit me in the face. I never rang her again.”
You don't need bullshit in your life, I understand, things are hectic enough but if you had any feelings for her, whether of love or not, as a human being wouldn't you have called her or left a message saying that whilst you disagreed on the topic, you just wanted to clear the air a little between you two whether she wants to speak to you again or not? It's not about chivalry, it's about being the adult and that doesn't mean scoring points, it means being some kind of evolved human being.
2. “She always wore foundation on her face, including first thing in the morning. Her skin was fine underneath it – a couple of spots but nothing major. But she had this compulsion to wear foundation. It was massively unsexy.”
I think men don't understand women and make up. It is possible she may have skin issues, even if just a few spots as you so kindly specify. She may have appearance issues or she may just want to look her best. It may not be her best according to you, but if it makes her get on with her life, feel okay with herself, then I seriously wonder that you would have to dump her for this. Feeling comfortable in one's skin doesn't necessarily mean keeping it bare and it could just be that her make up routine is like her tooth brushing routine. If she wears it all day when only you both are at home and she knows you both are at home all day, then she has issues, so why not get some humanity and be there for her? No one is perfect, do you just want perfection? Maybe you have issues that need to be dealt with too.
3. “I cooked her a curry one night and she only ate a tiny bit because she was on a diet. Dumped.”
Diets, diets, diets. Sometimes they work sometimes they don't. Sometimes a woman wants to improve herself for no other reason than for improving herself. That in itself doesn't make her an obsessive control freak. Sometimes there might be other reasons involved and she may have obsessive or control issues.
She at a tiny bit of your curry, she didn't refuse it altogether. Maybe it took some persuading on your part. Maybe you're a terrible cook. Maybe she lied a little or all together about the diet thing. I once read a quote, that went a little like this, I'm not really into that but if you are, I'd be willing to try it for you. That's what lovers do.
Was this the final straw in your relationship?
Is your ego so big?
4. “She had actual conversations with her cat while I was there.”
She loves her cat. She may be crazy. She may just be an animated person or have a level of comfort around something or and someone and she let her barriers down.
5. “I dumped my ex as soon as she started acting like more of a lad than I did. I’ve nothing against swearing as such, but it’s not nice if a girl swears all the time. It made her seem thick.”
A question I've been wanting to ask, why didn't you talk to her about it? Maybe she had a motive or maybe she wants to seem thick or is, it may not be part of an act or it may just be her letting her hair down.
And maybe this could have been the ticket to a good old fashioned spanking?
6. “I had to do all the talking on our dates. Maybe she thought that she was doing herself a favour by keeping her mouth shut, but I prefer women to talk too much than too little. I don’t want to do all the work.”
This I can understand. What was her body language and her eye contact like? Did she loosen up a little? Sometimes asking her would have been too much hard work or there just was no spark? This is different to already being in a relationship.
7. “She kept failing her driving test and I was fed up being her chauffeur.”
Was she using you? Or taking advantage of this side? Differentiate between the two, think about what you two had.
8. “She slept in a night dress.”
This must mean she is the devil incarnate.
9. “When I first met her she was wearing a fairly loose T-shirt and she looked great, but once we started seeing each other she was always in figure-hugging clothes. I’m not a chauvinist – a woman can wear what she likes – but I don’t find tight clothes at all attractive.”
Are you gay? Okay seriously, maybe it was her way of not impressing you per se but just being feminine or her version of feminine around you. She was making an effort, if you didn't like it, did you see the effect it had on her? Did you notice a change in her behaviour or was she still the same? IS communication completely dead? Were you jealous when she wore the tight clothing, did she get looks from other men?
10. “She ironed my boxer shorts.”
Well maybe they needed ironing after the times she had to wash them to get your skid marks out. Or maybe she was doing something nice or had neat issues. You can still love someone with issues, or can you?
11. “About two weeks after we moved in together she started wearing jogging bottoms around the house. The second she got in from work, on they went. She actually looked quite sexy, but I didn’t like what it meant – it was way too cosy.”
It looks to me that her work clothes were too binding. Sometimes putting on a pair of pajamas is just like taking your shoes off in the house. You moved in together and you're complaining about cosy? I'd shove those pajamas right up your
12. “She cut her beautiful hair short.”
And so you weren't attracted to her anymore? I can understand that you may have to work hard to be attracted to her even though it's not like her nose and eyes swapped sides. Sometimes one has to evolve past their romantic notions. It's a little like a woman dreaming of tall dark handsome Prince Charming and not realising she's falling in love with a bald, kind of short man. Love just happens, you know? Or maybe you don't.
Were you in this relationship for the sex only? Even so; maybe you'd have been there when her hair grew out. Seeing something like that can actually be a turn on.
So did you think she looked like a man and that took away her femininity?
Or did you think this haircut threatened your sexuality?
13. “She pointed out that I’d put on weight.”
To be honest, I need to know more about his and I'm on the fence on this one anyway.
14. “My girlfriend stopped keeping any secrets from me. It was like I’d become her best female friend, and she told me everything – things her mum said, period pains, workmate stuff. Too much information for me.”
Did you tell her this before you dumped her?
15. “She was funnier than me.”
You're a degenerate.
16. “She never bought me dinner. At first I wanted to pay for our dates because it made me feel like more of a man, but there comes a point where you want her to stump up too. It never happened.”
Maybe she noticed you felt more of a man? Again, is communication fucking dead nowadays?!
17. “I was on a mate’s stag weekend and got back to find that my girlfriend had re-organised all my DVDs. That was pretty much my sole reason for ending it, and I haven’t regretted it.”
She re organised your DVD's. Movies are a big passion of mine but if someone did this for me, as someone once re organised my wardrobe I can understand the invasion issue, and see when it comes to dvds it could be more about control than just a reorganisation..maybe she was doing something nice, maybe it was more. But they are DVD's
18. “I finished with a girl because she couldn’t go out anywhere without completely over-dressing. Even if we were going round a friend’s house, she had to put on make-up and blow-dry her hair. It must have been really hard work being her.”
I love to blow dry my hair, put on jewellry, lip stick, wear pretty things, I like the glamour, maybe my life will be glamorous, I'm high maintenance but I maintain myself and don't want anyone paying my bills and my partner can wear what he wants. I also have a good head on my shoulders. See where I'm going with this? Maybe your girlfriend had just had this side to her like I do.
19. “My ex was late for absolutely everything. It’s not even like she spent ages getting ready to go out. She just had this mental thing where she wouldn’t leave the house until she was too late to meet me on time. It drove me insane.”
Did she lie, did she really have OCD?
If not, she does sound like a kook who'd drive you insane, okay alright I get it.
20. “Her bed was covered in cuddly toys.”
I can understand this. But some quirks are actually issues or things you just hate or creep you out..I think love is more important and I think you should have worked through this. It's hard, yes..
21. “She slept in this big mound of pillows. If I was staying at her place and I fell asleep without throwing off all the pillows, I’d wake up with neck ache.”
I shared a bed with a snorer, I couldn't sleep, I have insomnia anyway, I also once woke up crying with neck pain. Did I make a rash decision? No. Why did you?
22. “She had a dog and she always smelt a little bit of him.”
She's not perfect.
23. “She told me off for answering my phone at dinner. People around us could hear her moaning at me.”
So you argued and then this ended? I want to know more.
24. “Whenever I wanted to watch a DVD at bedtime and snuggle up together, she’d either fidget or fall asleep.”
So she doesn't have the same interests or interest as you. And you find this rude. Or she was just tired or maybe she wanted sex from you right then and sometimes women don't come on to their boyfriends. I don't know her reason. Did she not listen to you when you talked?
25. “My previous ex had dumped me out of the blue. I was completely over it, but I was worried that my new girlfriend would do the same, so I finished with her first.”
You need help and you may be the cause of her needing help too one day. Bad on your part, no excuses for your behaviour even though we all make mistakes and get scared or plain terrified.
26. “She could never remember anything that happened in films we’d seen together, but she remembered every single incriminating thing I’d said during arguments.”
So she'd throw it back in your face?
Or maybe she's sensitive person?
Or maybe you said really mean stuff during the arguments?
Or the communication between you both was more important to her than a film?
27. “Her feet were always freezing in bed.”
So warm her up. Mine get cold too, a lot of women actually feel freezing on their feet compared to elsewhere and sometimes my fingers are almost ice cold. So I warm them up. No one can ever accuse me of being an ice queen, know what I mean?
28. “She accused me of snoring, so I was always too self-conscious to go to sleep when she was there.”
She should have worked though this with you but maybe she lost sleep herself? I know what that's like all too well. Still, she should have worked through this with you.
29. “She bought a pink phone.”
She is an alien, you are an asshole.
30. “She slurped her tea.”
She is human. Humans fart, burp and vomit. You should go out with an alien. You should have told the tea slurping annoys you and unlike the other human body vices can be helped with control and hard work on her side.
31. “Her mum friended me on Facebook. The only way I could get around the friend request was to dump my girlfriend.”
You have mum issues.
32. “I am chaotically messy and I lived in constant fear that she’d try to tidy up under the bed. I don’t know what’s under there, but whatever it is I didn’t want her finding it.”
Hmm..I didn't want my mum finding my porn. But your girlfriend was not your mum...
32 surprising reasons men call it quits
By Jane Hoskyn
“It’s easier for girls,” so the saying goes – because it’s supposedly much easier to catch and keep a man than it is to pull a woman. Oh yeah? Tell that to the woman who’s just been dumped on the grounds that she has a strange toenail, or because she bought a pink phone.
The truth is that men are far pickier than their reputation suggests. The gents themselves often don’t even know what turns them off a girl who, just a fortnight before, could seem to do no wrong.
We asked a group of men to explain why they’d given their girls the elbow, and here’s what they told us. Fasten your seatbelts, ladies.
1. “I was on the phone to a girl I’d been seeing for a few weeks. We got into a disagreement about something trivial, and she hung up on me. I was furious – it was like she’d hit me in the face. I never rang her again.”
You don't need bullshit in your life, I understand, things are hectic enough but if you had any feelings for her, whether of love or not, as a human being wouldn't you have called her or left a message saying that whilst you disagreed on the topic, you just wanted to clear the air a little between you two whether she wants to speak to you again or not? It's not about chivalry, it's about being the adult and that doesn't mean scoring points, it means being some kind of evolved human being.
2. “She always wore foundation on her face, including first thing in the morning. Her skin was fine underneath it – a couple of spots but nothing major. But she had this compulsion to wear foundation. It was massively unsexy.”
I think men don't understand women and make up. It is possible she may have skin issues, even if just a few spots as you so kindly specify. She may have appearance issues or she may just want to look her best. It may not be her best according to you, but if it makes her get on with her life, feel okay with herself, then I seriously wonder that you would have to dump her for this. Feeling comfortable in one's skin doesn't necessarily mean keeping it bare and it could just be that her make up routine is like her tooth brushing routine. If she wears it all day when only you both are at home and she knows you both are at home all day, then she has issues, so why not get some humanity and be there for her? No one is perfect, do you just want perfection? Maybe you have issues that need to be dealt with too.
3. “I cooked her a curry one night and she only ate a tiny bit because she was on a diet. Dumped.”
Diets, diets, diets. Sometimes they work sometimes they don't. Sometimes a woman wants to improve herself for no other reason than for improving herself. That in itself doesn't make her an obsessive control freak. Sometimes there might be other reasons involved and she may have obsessive or control issues.
She at a tiny bit of your curry, she didn't refuse it altogether. Maybe it took some persuading on your part. Maybe you're a terrible cook. Maybe she lied a little or all together about the diet thing. I once read a quote, that went a little like this, I'm not really into that but if you are, I'd be willing to try it for you. That's what lovers do.
Was this the final straw in your relationship?
Is your ego so big?
4. “She had actual conversations with her cat while I was there.”
She loves her cat. She may be crazy. She may just be an animated person or have a level of comfort around something or and someone and she let her barriers down.
5. “I dumped my ex as soon as she started acting like more of a lad than I did. I’ve nothing against swearing as such, but it’s not nice if a girl swears all the time. It made her seem thick.”
A question I've been wanting to ask, why didn't you talk to her about it? Maybe she had a motive or maybe she wants to seem thick or is, it may not be part of an act or it may just be her letting her hair down.
And maybe this could have been the ticket to a good old fashioned spanking?
6. “I had to do all the talking on our dates. Maybe she thought that she was doing herself a favour by keeping her mouth shut, but I prefer women to talk too much than too little. I don’t want to do all the work.”
This I can understand. What was her body language and her eye contact like? Did she loosen up a little? Sometimes asking her would have been too much hard work or there just was no spark? This is different to already being in a relationship.
7. “She kept failing her driving test and I was fed up being her chauffeur.”
Was she using you? Or taking advantage of this side? Differentiate between the two, think about what you two had.
8. “She slept in a night dress.”
This must mean she is the devil incarnate.
9. “When I first met her she was wearing a fairly loose T-shirt and she looked great, but once we started seeing each other she was always in figure-hugging clothes. I’m not a chauvinist – a woman can wear what she likes – but I don’t find tight clothes at all attractive.”
Are you gay? Okay seriously, maybe it was her way of not impressing you per se but just being feminine or her version of feminine around you. She was making an effort, if you didn't like it, did you see the effect it had on her? Did you notice a change in her behaviour or was she still the same? IS communication completely dead? Were you jealous when she wore the tight clothing, did she get looks from other men?
10. “She ironed my boxer shorts.”
Well maybe they needed ironing after the times she had to wash them to get your skid marks out. Or maybe she was doing something nice or had neat issues. You can still love someone with issues, or can you?
11. “About two weeks after we moved in together she started wearing jogging bottoms around the house. The second she got in from work, on they went. She actually looked quite sexy, but I didn’t like what it meant – it was way too cosy.”
It looks to me that her work clothes were too binding. Sometimes putting on a pair of pajamas is just like taking your shoes off in the house. You moved in together and you're complaining about cosy? I'd shove those pajamas right up your
12. “She cut her beautiful hair short.”
And so you weren't attracted to her anymore? I can understand that you may have to work hard to be attracted to her even though it's not like her nose and eyes swapped sides. Sometimes one has to evolve past their romantic notions. It's a little like a woman dreaming of tall dark handsome Prince Charming and not realising she's falling in love with a bald, kind of short man. Love just happens, you know? Or maybe you don't.
Were you in this relationship for the sex only? Even so; maybe you'd have been there when her hair grew out. Seeing something like that can actually be a turn on.
So did you think she looked like a man and that took away her femininity?
Or did you think this haircut threatened your sexuality?
13. “She pointed out that I’d put on weight.”
To be honest, I need to know more about his and I'm on the fence on this one anyway.
14. “My girlfriend stopped keeping any secrets from me. It was like I’d become her best female friend, and she told me everything – things her mum said, period pains, workmate stuff. Too much information for me.”
Did you tell her this before you dumped her?
15. “She was funnier than me.”
You're a degenerate.
16. “She never bought me dinner. At first I wanted to pay for our dates because it made me feel like more of a man, but there comes a point where you want her to stump up too. It never happened.”
Maybe she noticed you felt more of a man? Again, is communication fucking dead nowadays?!
17. “I was on a mate’s stag weekend and got back to find that my girlfriend had re-organised all my DVDs. That was pretty much my sole reason for ending it, and I haven’t regretted it.”
She re organised your DVD's. Movies are a big passion of mine but if someone did this for me, as someone once re organised my wardrobe I can understand the invasion issue, and see when it comes to dvds it could be more about control than just a reorganisation..maybe she was doing something nice, maybe it was more. But they are DVD's
18. “I finished with a girl because she couldn’t go out anywhere without completely over-dressing. Even if we were going round a friend’s house, she had to put on make-up and blow-dry her hair. It must have been really hard work being her.”
I love to blow dry my hair, put on jewellry, lip stick, wear pretty things, I like the glamour, maybe my life will be glamorous, I'm high maintenance but I maintain myself and don't want anyone paying my bills and my partner can wear what he wants. I also have a good head on my shoulders. See where I'm going with this? Maybe your girlfriend had just had this side to her like I do.
19. “My ex was late for absolutely everything. It’s not even like she spent ages getting ready to go out. She just had this mental thing where she wouldn’t leave the house until she was too late to meet me on time. It drove me insane.”
Did she lie, did she really have OCD?
If not, she does sound like a kook who'd drive you insane, okay alright I get it.
20. “Her bed was covered in cuddly toys.”
I can understand this. But some quirks are actually issues or things you just hate or creep you out..I think love is more important and I think you should have worked through this. It's hard, yes..
21. “She slept in this big mound of pillows. If I was staying at her place and I fell asleep without throwing off all the pillows, I’d wake up with neck ache.”
I shared a bed with a snorer, I couldn't sleep, I have insomnia anyway, I also once woke up crying with neck pain. Did I make a rash decision? No. Why did you?
22. “She had a dog and she always smelt a little bit of him.”
She's not perfect.
23. “She told me off for answering my phone at dinner. People around us could hear her moaning at me.”
So you argued and then this ended? I want to know more.
24. “Whenever I wanted to watch a DVD at bedtime and snuggle up together, she’d either fidget or fall asleep.”
So she doesn't have the same interests or interest as you. And you find this rude. Or she was just tired or maybe she wanted sex from you right then and sometimes women don't come on to their boyfriends. I don't know her reason. Did she not listen to you when you talked?
25. “My previous ex had dumped me out of the blue. I was completely over it, but I was worried that my new girlfriend would do the same, so I finished with her first.”
You need help and you may be the cause of her needing help too one day. Bad on your part, no excuses for your behaviour even though we all make mistakes and get scared or plain terrified.
26. “She could never remember anything that happened in films we’d seen together, but she remembered every single incriminating thing I’d said during arguments.”
So she'd throw it back in your face?
Or maybe she's sensitive person?
Or maybe you said really mean stuff during the arguments?
Or the communication between you both was more important to her than a film?
27. “Her feet were always freezing in bed.”
So warm her up. Mine get cold too, a lot of women actually feel freezing on their feet compared to elsewhere and sometimes my fingers are almost ice cold. So I warm them up. No one can ever accuse me of being an ice queen, know what I mean?
28. “She accused me of snoring, so I was always too self-conscious to go to sleep when she was there.”
She should have worked though this with you but maybe she lost sleep herself? I know what that's like all too well. Still, she should have worked through this with you.
29. “She bought a pink phone.”
She is an alien, you are an asshole.
30. “She slurped her tea.”
She is human. Humans fart, burp and vomit. You should go out with an alien. You should have told the tea slurping annoys you and unlike the other human body vices can be helped with control and hard work on her side.
31. “Her mum friended me on Facebook. The only way I could get around the friend request was to dump my girlfriend.”
You have mum issues.
32. “I am chaotically messy and I lived in constant fear that she’d try to tidy up under the bed. I don’t know what’s under there, but whatever it is I didn’t want her finding it.”
Hmm..I didn't want my mum finding my porn. But your girlfriend was not your mum...
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