HAHA.

I have to say this photo made me cackle. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1331450/The-Only-Way-Is-Essex-stars-Edwardian-ladies-Downton-Abbey-photoshoot.html

These ladies are from a show called The Only Way is Essex. They are NOTORIOUS for their fake tans and botox. Those in England will have heard of the term "chav," well this programme is chav tastic. It's tacky.

I know they're humans and the show shows that side of course but "Edwardian ladies" had a peaches and skin complexion, not perfect as they may have strived for but certainly not harsh and bloated thanks to the damage these Essex ladies have done to themselves.

I keep saying to anyone who's had a hard time in this fake tan obessed society, you'll look better when you're older, just you wait. I guess I'm right! Sure we won't go around with the ridiculous Edwardian hairstyles but at least we'll look okay coming out of the shower first thing, not with a weirdly plumped up face and eyebrows which have to be drawn on or look like they do.

And I can't believe how ridiculous Jennifer Aniston looks nowadays, obsessed with botox much?

And then on the other hand you have people criticising Jane Fonda, Sigourney Weaver and Susan Sarandon for wearing make up and being airbrushed on a magazine..because they're DA DA DAH! Old. Oh no! "But they're celebrating age and yet they're covering themselves in airbrushing and make up!" Say the douches who just don't get it. They're simply being on a cover of a magazine the treatment any other star gets which is airbrush and make up and they looked damned happy and charismatic! I like the photo of Jane's face!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1331402/Susan-Sarandon-Sigourney-Weaver-Jane-Fonda-strip-steamy-magazine-shoot.html

What I find weird in a I could never have predicted this way, was I got mocked for having a plump face and small tightest features, and that's what people are injecting themselves in Hollyweird to look like now. Man, I wish I knew of this before- I could have had a comeback!

Remember that post about something that actually worked?

http://wickedwitchofwest.blogspot.com/2010/11/something-that-actually-works.html

I found the root booster frizzed my hair and made it more coarse, it's not reliable enough for day to day usage especially. It won't do anything to my top layers and so I have flat hair which then becomes rounder as you go down, not what I want for my face or hair, especially when it's not feeling so smooth after two rounds of serum...this root booster is clearly not for every day use and I think I'm just going to stick with my cool blow dry and hot (nonsensical little post, this) fringe straightening tomorrow.

I may hang onto the root booster- but I have to be tempted not to try it just one more time or I'll get a frazzled, round haired look again. I'd rather have my hair flat, at least it's better to touch!

A good friend of mine was talking about strength.

I can relate to her post in the sense I used to think it's unfair, just how strong do I have to be, what have I done to deserve this? It IS unfair, some things in fact are just total bollocks and I haven't done ANYTHING to deserve this..but I HAVE to be VERY strong.

I don't know what the purpose of life is. If it's some test to let you into Heaven, I believe in God and heaven and hell to an extent but regardless of my beliefs, I know that I just have to be strong. Pure and simple, I just have to. Otherwise, I will fall and I will hurt myself. The harshness that comes from people won't hurt them as much as it will hurt me.

No matter how unfair it is, no matter that it's more serious than fun, I like myself enough to know I'm worth the fight. I don't like fighting, I don't like the idea of enemies, but the ideal situation of getting along and not pissing off strangers is not happening and hasn't been since I was at school.

I've realised my worth doesn't get taken away from someone's laughter or mockery of me, because I don't give myself away to them. I used to think that meant isolation but now I can go out and go on about my buisness and still make fun for myself. I am completely independant and getting stronger because this is how I will survive. I also have given myself to someone and I know that I can do that, know how to love.

I intend to survive for a very long time, the only thing that will bring me down is something that I can not control. As for controlling others, you can't. A woman who was trying to survive bullying was told that other people's opinions are theirs, you can't take that from them. To me, it's all about how you process it and the way I process it is they clearly have a lot of growing up and evolving to do. They're far from intimidating when you think about it, I already knew they were stupid even the ones who have some sort of education.

Something that actually works.

I don't think I ever do this but I found a product that actually works for me. Totally superficial, girly post. It's the Babyliss Root Booster. It's a heat iron that has different temperatures. When I saw the advert, I liked the root boosting part (that's exactly what my hair needs) but not the crimp effect of the iron. Its the crimp however that makes your hair look fuller and if you section it, I just use bobby pins as my hair is short then you can have the crimp underneath your hair, brush overit and have the top layer of your hair look fine. Difference is your hair actually has something to it.

I'm not a hair dye kind of girl, I put a clip in my hair only when I get it done at the hairdressers otherwise I look like a little round faced kid otherwise, I don't backcomb or do anything to it, I just want healthy hair. I don't like mousse or spray because I want to run my fingers through my hair. I like it smelling fresh and because it can get coarse but it's still straight, I hesistantly put a little serum, because I don't want it to end up looking matted to my face which trust me, it does especially short hair with layers that I'm growing out, just looks like a very flat bob on straight from the shower and after a smooth brush.

So this root booster is good for girls like me. I like to have my hair dry as naturally as possible. I wash it every day, it's not damaged my hair so far, but with the root booster I can get away with the odd day of not washing it or trying what I used to do when my hair was fuller due not having it thinned out, washing it the night before.

I spent only one minute with this product today when I bought it, my hair was dry and I hope to avoid drying my hair with a round brush for five minutes, arms tired and my hair going flat again after minutes. Today, I also used my straightners which I normally use just for my fringe to get it out my face but straightners made my hair look flat..even then the root booster worked well on my even flatter than usual hair.

It lasted and I didn't have to fluff my hair up.

I do however intend to keep my hair better conditioned due to the fact I'm putting heat directly on my hair as opposed to a distance as with the hair dryer (which I will still use for some movement to my hair for a minute and the same if I need to go out the house quickly). And I won't be using hair straightners even for my fringe anymore. I use a heat defence light spritz but come on over 100 degrees on your hair, which is the minimum for these heated things, nothing can combat that unless it's heavy duty and going to make your hair turn into straw. I condition my hair every day when I wash it and like I say put some light serum on.

It's the first time that I myself have done something to my hair and had it not only work but last and I can even rely on it for extra effect on a night out which for me will mean my hair will look someone's when they've not even blow dryed it, just brushed it!

I am growing my hair out, not even look at a hairdressers until I need to (my limit is when I resemble Worzel Gummage) and so a root booster is going to be helpful with my layers becoming longer and more blended in and a little limp. It will be interesting to see if how consistent it is as hair behaves differently each day.

I look forward to seeing my hair grow. It represents something to me. Even when my hair is long, I want it long, then I will have it looking as natural as possible, I don't like the processed looks, it may be exciting to some people but I'm more about the natural side and that's also partly why I am growing my hair out. I just need a little boost!

Emails.

I'm sure you've sent an email to someone and thought, okay I just read that and I can see how it comes across. Your message, how you thought it came across changes when they respond and when you read that mail again.

It's an oops, duh and okay I need to pull my socks up moment.

I've realised I need to type slower and take some breaths in emails not due to the fact my corset is so tight whilst writing it but to take a more matter of fact approach, to the point, I've only just processed my thoughts and that's the problem.

I hate that words can make you look stupid, if they do or don't to the other person, the receiver of that mail, it's an embarassment to me. I don't take that much of a different approach for buisness emails, I have to wonder how they come across. I suppose it's trying to broaden your mind, I get out everyday but it feels I'm in my own little world.

When I blog, I feel a little like that but I need to blog. I need to let it out. And my writing has become better for it. I'm sure my emails before blogging were quite horrendous, I'm a little messy, haphazard and not to the point. Sometimes I can be in conversation though. In fact more so in conversation. Something not right here...

I also find that something can make my mind clear, as if I'm incapable of not being convoluted there. I have so many thoughts, I don't have direction. When I get pointed, then it's like the day dreaming nonsense I had as a child goes away. Day dreaming used to interfere with things. I have every intention of stopping that, I have done well so far but my imagination will run at times not to extremes but to drama. I believe people can change.

I have something that you don't.

I was talking to someone today about this, I'll keep them anon and I said sometimes I just want to go on my blog and RANT. Because you just can't say to people, and I have tried it, what is your problem?! I always get something to prompt me to say that to someone and when I say something or stare back, their staring goes on. I feel like there's something wrong with me and I'm sure there is; eg when I went out my eyes got red because it's cold and windy. I don't like it either but it's not uncommon and they would stare anyway even if that didn't happen. They weren't red like some blood stone! But I won't be losing sleep over the slightly red eyes, in fact I will be losing sleep over something delicious so I can't complain but I do want to have some sort of release. And so here it is;

I have something you don't.

I know you may think you have it all. You may mock me. I've got more power than you think; I know how to care for the different people in my life. I know what it is to love. I know what it is to help. I know myself. I have been tested but guess what BITCHES, I have survived! So you can do what you want, stare, whisper, treat me as if I am invisible one minute and then bump into me the next, I will stare as I do right back at you. I will keep the expression you obviously loathe on my face. I will keep everything like the evil bitch you think I am. I will take NOTHING of yours because I DO NOT WANT IT. I am writing this because I need a release.

I can wear what you do and my legs will look better than yours. It's true. I have superficially good things about me too. And I'll wear it with better class, oh and class; it's so easy for you to say I'm not classy for doing this when you can't say anything to my FACE.

You're not special, neither am I, we're just humans who shit, fart, eat and slurp drinks once in a while. If anyone finds you special, they don't see that bitchiness you give to me, if a DECENT person saw that, one who isn't selfish and all attention for themselves as I know a lot of mummy's boys and mums who's husband would rather look at the lingerie model than see what they have tried on and husbands who are NEVER going to get that lingerie model, they'd see you for what you truly are. You are two faced. I have something you don't. I am GENIUNE. Fuck you!

And that felt GOOD. But not as good or great or fantastic or life changing as the Dominant man in my life. I'm not using him as a card in this argument rather than he's on my mind constantly.

Oh yes every relationship has its dynamic, but perhaps yours has JUST that. Good luck raising a child as selfish and bitchy as you are. HE makes feel things that you won't feel because you're too closed minded to be open to really experience love so have fun lusting over Brad Pitt or Gary Oldman or Alan "his voice is so sexy" Rickman, I have EVERYTHING I NEED AND WANT. HA!

Confidence boost.

Today, I got told something that made me blush. Understand, that when my cheeks blush they're about two tones lighter than your average person's. If I could actually blush, I would have been beet red when she said this. We got to laughing about a comparison my mum made, my mum is always complimentary about me, it's a testament to how dedicated she is to her daughters and how devoted. So, she once said to me you look like Ava Gardner. Seriously. Am I a tall siren with long wavy black tresses with bedroom eyes and generous lips? No not me, not I. I'm cute, I'm pretty but my siren quality comes from my mind. It comes from within. That doesn't mean I don't think of myself as a sexual woman, but I don't stop men or women in their tracks no matter how much leg I show or if I get my hair done or walk tall and sway my hips.

My sister said after one or two images, you don't look disimilar. You have the same type of nice symetrical face and clear skin. If you take away Gardner's dramatic eyebrows, she said I can see how that comparison was made. Inside, I was melting, outside I laughed and said that the same could be said about any Indian girl, it's the dark hair and features that you're probably seeing really. My sister has lighter hair. But she "insisted."

In that minute and now, I got a confidence boost. It's not politically correct to get that from someone else. No matter how much I try and shrug off being looked at and then having the person turn their face and then the person next to me gets more than a second's glance, whether it's my friend from my old school or someone from today, no matter how much I myself like how I look, it's actually lovely when someone says something nice about your appearance to you. No matter how little our appearance is supposed to matter and no matter which box we're supposed to fit in, it's nice to be likened to beautiful, perhaps especially when you're looked at with frowns and straight through the eyes as if you're invisible in a world that values fake tans and showiness.

I want to be seen as a sexual woman and an alluring one. It matters to me because I AM a sexual woman and I dislike living two lives, as if my sexuality is supposed to be a secret. I won't tell you everything but when you look at me, I don't want you to see a prude. At the same time, I'm not willing to fall over in spiky heels, I dress to flatter my body, for colour and at the same time I want to be able to walk fast and long distances in my town centre.

I'm still working on processing my Dominant's compliments. There's one in particular I could just live on, not because it's a showy gesture, but He nailed it when He said this to me.