Body talk.

Sorry for the lame title.

I started changing my diet a week ago. I'm not overweight, I'm not underweight either and weight is something I have to watch mainly due to the fact that I have a minor condition since very early childhood which means any pressure on my heart is more fatal to me than to someone who does not have my condition. But, I love watching what I eat. Even when I get tempted. A warm, gooey pizza. *swoon* If I'm eating out with people that's probably what I will have, but instead if having the diet coke and pizza, I will take one with a salad option which means less pizza and I'll get olives and water. I know this is sickening but I see no problem in being a goody two shoes who wants to be in the best health she can be. I want my body to be controlled, like a machine, to be able to do things, to push it. For me having a fun life, is doing what you want and doing what you want is exploring your abilities. There are all sorts of people who fancy themselves as psychiatrists especially on the internet and I couldn't care less if I have self worth issues or esteem issues or my mum is actually my dad issues. If I have to prove myself to myself, so be it.

This is the life I want. And I believe in living the life you want and live and let live. If someone wants to have two pizzas, two colas and fries whilst I savour the taste of each lettuce leaf, then I am happy to be in their company. There are too many cliches and yes some rules are true but each indvidual has so many things going on in their body. I'm lucky, my body has the ability to bounce back from anything, a bruise, too much bread, I can lose weight easily and I control my stomach weight which is a mother fucker to control. But the person sitting next t me, bigger, smaller, may not be able to . And in turn, I'm not that flexible. I knew a girl who was bigger than me and she could do amazing cartwheels. I'd cry my bones and muscles out if I ever did one. So it's all about how you use your body. Don't let anyone tell you what your body can and can't do. I'm not saying that I expect anyone who is severely overweight or underweight to leap over me and land on their boobs without hurting them, I know the basics of the human body but I'm not one of those people who can't see past the basics.

There is pleasure to be gained by using your body. I never thought there would be. I'm all about the reading, writing, the mind (dur) and even when i was young I used to admire athletes and tennis players, and I was a plump beautiful little child, so I could admire them and play tennis till sunset, but I never looked at them to change my weight. Until I changed my whole lifestyle, went out for two hour walks, did the chores the same every day, started "belly" "dancing" (quote marks nec when you really aren't belly dancing so much as er, flailing/isolating certain limbs) AND replaced bread and potatoes with more fruit and evil carrots, cut out desserts, until I actually changed my lifestyle fully, I had shit metabolism and I was always solid looking. Now I'm not and it amazes me that I did something and it worked. It gave me hope and it gave two fingers to the nay sayers and there are plenty of those around.